In Pursuit of Miss Granger
by Winter Butterfly
Summary: Ron Weasley is the ultimate player...smooth, handsome and sexy...but what will happen when he meets his match in a bookworm with no interest in romance? Added Author's Note. *COMPLETE*
1. You Bet

Disclaimer: The great J. K. Rowling owns all...I own nothing. :) I get no money from this...just fun!  
  
AN: OK...I love J. K. Rowling and her characters, for sure. OotP was AWESOME. However, I'd like to go from another point of view and change some of her characters a little bit...OK, OK, a BIG bit! lol You'll notice some differences in the boys here and in the girls...this will take place in their 7th year, so hormones are raging. lol I don't actually think Ron and Hermione and everyone are like this...just wanted to have a bit of fun. *wink* BTW, this is gonna be a silly story, so don't take it too seriously...there are gonna be serious parts, but few and far between. Plus, you're going to see some American influences here (ha ha!), but you'll get over it. It's just fun. lol Oh, and I have to mention that Ron and Harry aren't really friends with Hermione here...they just know each other. Let the wreckage begin!  
  
Chapter One: You Bet  
  
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Ronald Weasley stretched out his long arms and yawned. He was utterly exhausted from the events of the night before and wished he had just stayed in bed. Casting a sleepy look around the Gryffindor common room, however, he knew that straying from his wonderful, warm, cozy bed was worth it. He smiled wickedly as his friends made their way over to where he was near the tower window, eager to begin his bragging and to breathe in the smell of jealousy.  
  
Harry Potter, Ron's best friend since they were in their first year, slapped him on the shoulder and grinned. "You dog. Thinking about last night?" As the man in question smiled, Harry couldn't help but think how lucky Ron was. He had transformed from this lanky, too tall geek to a good- looking sex god almost overnight. In their fourth year, he had begun doing sit-ups and push-ups every evening before bed. At first, he had only been able to do three, maybe four, a night. Now, he was adveraging 500. The training had paid off, increasing his agility and strength in Quidditch and improving his luck with the ladies. Every girl he knew wanted Ron in the worst way and he had a constant group following him everywhere he went. Yes, Ronald Weasley was a lucky man indeed. Harry couldn't help but feel a little jealous, as he was still short, skinny and had a head of hair that always looked a mess. Harry couldn't complain, however, for it was these attributes that helped him win his beautiful girlfriend Ginny over in the first place. She loved his messy hair.  
  
Harry sat down in an nearby armchair, impatient to hear Ron's latest escapade.  
  
The armchairs near the window were quickly filled. Ron sat on a table facing his friends and quickly made sure everyone was where they were supposed to be. Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, Neville Longbottom and Harry. Yes, everyone was present. The gang was ready for another Weasley tale. As he made to begin his story, his eyes caught sight of Parvati Patil walking by. She smiled seductively at him before walking away toward the common room door, her short mini-skirt clinging to her curves in an arousing way. Ron licked his lips and gazed after her as the other men made cat calls and obscene comments.  
  
After the commotion had died down, Ron told his fellow Gryffindors about his night spent with Parvati in the Prefects bathroom. There were many sniggers and grins as Ron finished, looking mighty proud of himself. Ron closed his eyes, waiting for the compliments he knew were going to be thrown at him any second.  
  
"You're disgusting, you know that? What an egotistical prat."  
  
This was not what Ron was expecting. He frowned as he opened his eyes and looked around the room, trying to figure out who was speaking to him in such a manner. His eyes fell upon a pompous girl who was standing behind Harry's chair with her hands on her hips. Hermione Granger. Ron grimaced and rolled his eyes.  
  
"No one asked your opinion, Granger. This is a conversation for men only, not cold fish who have their noses permanently stuck in a book." He glared at her, daring her to think of a comeback.  
  
Hermione's nose shot into the air and she gave Ron a look that clearly said she was better than him. "I'm sure Parvati would love to know that you were discussing your little rendezvous in the bathroom last night with your friends here. How did that go again?" Hermione crossed her arms and looked thoughtful for a moment, then smiled evilly, "Oh yes, I remember now. You had her bent over so far that she could have been a human pretzel. I'll have to ask her about that sometime." Hermione glanced once more at Ron's angry face before walking away.  
  
Ron was so furious, he could have spit fire. "Yeah Hermione, you do that. Maybe you can pick up some pointers on how to obtain a man, since you don't seem capable of doing so!" he yelled after her. Hermione, who gave no indication that she heard him, continued up the stairs to her room, disappearing from sight. Ron fumed. She had no right to talk to him like that! He was Ronald Weasley, after all!  
  
Ron sighed in defeat and ran his hands through his hair, glancing at Harry. He looked like he was going to explode from laughter. "Oh, shut up Harry. Just forget about that wench, guys." Ron smiled triumphantly. "I do believe that means I have had every girl in Gryffindor! I am the man." Ron got up from the table and did a little victory dance. "Who's house? RON'S HOUSE! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh --"  
  
"Shut up Ron, will ya?" Seamus said, laughing at Ron's display of happiness. "It just so happens that you're wrong."  
  
Ron was now doing the Running Man. "Oh yeah! Oh - WHAT? What the hell are you talking about, mate? I can't think of ONE girl in here who I haven't had! And my sister does NOT count."  
  
Dean exchanged an amused look with Seamus. "No, your sister doesn't count, but I can think of one other, and she's one you'll never have."  
  
Ron looked confused for a moment, but rose to the challenge. "Is that so? I'd be willing to bet that I COULD have her!"  
  
Seamus examined his nails as he asked, "Is that so?"  
  
Ron straightened to his full height of 6'2 and looked down at the rest of the guys. "What are you proposing, Seamus?" He smiled grimly.  
  
Seamus grinned at the rest of the guys in the group before saying, "I'm willing to bet 50 Galleons that you won't be able to get this girl into bed with you."  
  
Ron's face fell. "I haven't got 50 galleons."  
  
"Well then, your end of the bargain will have to be something else. Let us see...if you lose..."Seamus looked around thoughtfully, scratching his head. Suddenly his face lit up. "You have to come down here in the common room while it's busy, wearing nothing but a pair of Parvati's underwear, a pair of chaps and a cowboy hat, bow down before all of us and say, 'Seamus, Dean, Neville and Harry are my sex gods. I serve them only. I am not worthy of any woman and I like men.' Then you have to do a strip tease while singing 'I'm Too Sexy' and give Colin Creevey a lap dance."  
  
The rest of the group's mouths were hanging open. They all turned to see if Ron would step up to the plate. He stared at Seamus for a moment, contemplating. He suddenly nodded sharply and said, "Done," stepping forward and shaking Seamus's hand.  
  
Ron looked smug. "I have no doubt in my capabilities to do this. Now, who is this lucky girl that has been sadly deprived of Ron 'The Sex King' Weasley all this time?"  
  
Neville looked ready to burst at the seams with laughter. "Hermione Granger."  
  
Ron's mouth fell open in shock. "Surely you don't mean...that little...you don't want me to...that's horrible! All she ever does is study! She thinks she knows it all and she's dreadful! Not to mention I am sure there is absolutely no feeling or passion in that woman!" Ron scowled. "She's so cold. Such a prude. She's like winter...the ultimate ice queen."  
  
"Well..."Harry said thoughtfully, "Give her a nice Weasel coat and I'm sure she'll warm right up." The guys lost control of their laughter at that point, rolling around on the floor and in their chairs. Harry had his face in his hands, wiping away his tears of joy. He looked up at Ron, whose frown had grown even deeper. "What's the matter, Ron, don't think you can do it?"  
  
Ron's eyes snapped to Harry's face, a look of determination etched into them. "I WILL do it. I am going to show little Miss Granger the time of her life." Ron smiled in a wicked way and set off toward his private Prefect's room, rubbing his hands together.  
  
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Hermione Granger sat on the bed in her private room, her eyes glued to a page in her book. She had curled up amongst her many pillows and was currently caught up in the fifth book in the Larry Water series, "The Order of Phoenix fries." She was biting her fist to keep from screaming as she read Chapter 67, in which Lord Callmedork had just killed the waiter at the restaurant where Larry Water was with his friends, Don Measley and Slimy Danger. Lord Callmedork was descending upon Larry with a bottle of ketchup, threatening to squirt Larry's new white Gap shirt, ruining it forever. Lord Callmedork laughed evilly as he pointed the bottle and -  
  
"AHHHHHHHHH!" Hermione screamed, tossing her book. Someone had just knocked on her door. Hermione panted, trying to calm herself down before calling out, "Come in!" The door opened and Ginny Weasley came bouncing in. Hermione breathed out in relief. "Ginny. Phew. You scared me when you knocked."  
  
Ginny smiled at Hermione, a puzzled look on her face. "Yeah, I kinda noticed." She glanced at the book Hermione had thrown, which was now laying in the corner of her room. "Ah!" Ginny exclaimed. "You must have been reading Larry Water. That explains the scream."  
  
Hermione smiled at Ginny as she sat down at the end of her bed. "Yeah, I had it pre-owled. It got here early Saturday and I haven't been able to keep my hands off it."  
  
"Do you know who dies yet?"  
  
"No," Hermione sighed, "but I sure hope it isn't Magrid. He's a great character." She grinned at Ginny, then asked, "So what's up?"  
  
Ginny looked at her feet as she kicked them back and forth. She leaned back onto one of Hermione's large, fluffy pillows and looked her in the eye. "What do you think about me and Harry?"  
  
Hermione raised one eyebrow. "What in the world do you mean?"  
  
"Do you think that Harry and I make a good couple?"  
  
She pondered this for a moment before answering. "Yes. I think you guys are adorable. Harry is always looking at you with this expression of awe on his face, like he can't believe he has you. It's so cute. Why do you ask?"  
  
Ginny looked sheepish. "Just wondering. I want my friends to like Harry too, because I know it's important, what your friends think. They see things you don't. Do you really like Harry?"  
  
Hermione smiled and smoothed Ginny's hair from her face before answering, "Yes, of course. He's a really great guy. He just has bad picks for his friends." Hermione scowled deeply.  
  
"Who's a bad pick?"  
  
"Your brother, Ronald 'The Sex King' Weasley." Both girls giggled. Hermione rolled her eyes and continued. "I don't see how someone has nice as Harry ended up being friends with Ron. He's such a womanizer. No offense to you or anything. You should have heard him talking about his fling with Parvati Patil a little while ago. Oh please, like it's anything new to that girl. Little does he know she's been to the Prefect's bathroom with eight separate guys before him!" Ginny looked shocked. "Don't be so surprised. I learned a lot about Parvati when we were roommates. She was always talking about her 'dates'. Too much information, if you ask me. Ron was just one more man on her list to do."  
  
Ginny smirked at Hermione. "Yeah, Ron can be quite a geek. Almost all the superficial girls at Hogwarts want him and he thinks that he's king of the world. You should hear him at home, listening to 50 knuts and M & N! He raps along with them, pretending he's cool and that he's a great rapper. He has some of the worst rhymes. 'I like them hoes who wear tight clothes. I bring my flows while you wipe your nose.' Honestly, sometimes I think I'd like to put the poor dear out of his misery! He's driving Mom absolutely mad with his behavior. She can't stand the music he listens to, or the way he dresses. George and Fred support him, of course. I guess they need to find a good laugh somewhere. I don't know though Hermione...sometimes I think that maybe if he found the right girl, he'd straighten up. I worry about him." Ginny frowned at the wall. "Course, he'd probably find some way to ruin that as well."  
  
Hermione playfully hit Ginny with a pillow. "Come on, don't let your brother ruin your good mood. He's not worth it. Now shoo. Go find Harry and let him put you in a better mood."  
  
Ginny laughed at Hermione and jumped off the bed, heading for the door. She opened it and looked back at Hermione. "One of these days, Hermy, you're going to find a man who will put YOU in a good mood...someone who might actually be able to get your nose out of a book!" Ginny closed the door as a pillow came flying at it.  
  
Hermione chuckled and shook her head. "Don't count on that, Ginny."  
  
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A/N: Well, I hope ya'll liked the first chapter. :) Like I said, this story isn't supposed to be taken seriously. There will probably be a bunch of fluff because I be loving the warm fuzzies! *grins* 


	2. The Plea

Disclaimer: The great J. K. Rowling owns all...I own nothing. :) I get no money from this...just fun!  
  
A/N: Hey everyone! Here's Chapter 2 of "In Pursuit of Miss Granger." I hope you're having as much fun reading this as I am writing it. Once again, don't take anything too seriously...this is romance, but mostly humor...and it's a sick and twisted humor at that! The song down below is "You Can Do It" by Ice Cube, which is a naughty song, but it fits Ron nicely. LOL I REALIZE that Ron and Hermione are SERIOUSLY OOC, but um - who cares?:oD For those of you enjoying Larry Water, there will be more mentions of that later, no doubt. As one of my reviewers said, yes, this is very similar to "She's All That," but I didn't really like that movie too much(I thought the chacters were annoying) so I guess it's more like "10 Things I Hate About You." Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and if you like, feel free to review! Here we go!  
  
Chapter Two: The Plea  
  
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"Cannot -"  
Hop.  
"reach -"  
Hop.  
"the damn -"  
Hop.  
"book!"  
Hop.  
  
Hermione jumped one more time stretching her arm as far as it could as she reached for a book on the top shelf in the library. She still missed it by a few inches. "Dammit." As she stared up at the shelf in anger, cursing herself for being 5'4, she was surprised to see another arm snake up and grab the very book she wanted. The owner of the arm held it in front of her.  
  
A very deep, male voice spoke from right behind her. "Here."  
  
Hermione grabbed the book and turned around sharply to find herself gaping at a man's chest. Whoever it was, they were very tall. And built well. She swallowed harshly. Hermione looked up to find herself gazing into Ronald Weasley's dark blue eyes. He had a knowing smirk on his face and any thought Hermione had of thanking her savior profusely melted away. "Oh." She said glumly, "It's you."  
  
Ron laughed. "Well, that certainly is nice. No 'thank you Ron,' or 'that was nice, Ron' or 'Oh Ronald, you're my hero and I'll love you passionately until the day I die?' Being kind is a thankless job, apparently."  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes and shook her head at him. "Sod off, Weasley. Thank you for retrieving my book, but I really must be going now. Excuse me." Hermione pushed past Ron, but was surprised when she felt his hand grab hold of her wrist.  
  
"Woah, hold on there miss Granger. Don't go running off like I have the plague or something. I was hoping that we could have some kind of conversation, possibly get to know each other better."  
  
Hermione jerked her hand away from Ron's and looked at him suspiciously. "Why?"  
  
He leaned against one of the library tables and gave her a sleepy half grin. "Because we never really have talked before. You seem like a very interesting person and I'm always looking for new friends."  
  
"Probably looking for friends who will help you with your homework, right? Well, I'm sorry Mr. Weasley, but I'm not interested. I've got enough to do without having to baby-sit an immature prat who can't even finish his own potions essays on time."  
  
Ron's smile grew larger. "You know Hermione, you're very beautiful when you're angry. But no, I don't need your help with my essays. I just want to talk."  
  
"All right then, Weasley. What do you want to talk about?" Hermione sat down at a table and looked at the book he had handed her, The Feminist Witch. She smiled, waiting for him to speak. He sat down in front of her and ran a hand through his ginger red hair confidently.  
  
"So how are your classes going? Old McGonagall's really being tough on us, eh? I suppose it's because of the N.E.W.T.S coming up this year, but still...that's no reason to pile so much homework on us every day. What do you think?"  
  
Hermione fingered the spine of her book and glared at him. "I don't believe that you really wish to talk about McGonagall, Weasley. What is it that you're really wanting to say?"  
  
Ron leaned forward, folding his arms on the table. "That obvious, huh? I guess I never was very good at keeping what I'm thinking from others." He laughed and Hermione's stomach did back flips. Why was it that she never noticed how particularly nice his laugh was?  
  
Ron continued, gazing at Hermione in a seductive way. "Well Hermione, it's just that I was thinking about what you said the other day...when you overheard my conversation with my friends? You said I was an egotistical prat."  
  
"Which you are."  
  
"And I agree."  
  
"You certainly -- what? What did you say?" Hermione looked shocked, unconsciously leaning forward to make sure what she heard was correct.  
  
Ron smiled and repeated himself quietly. "I said I agree."  
  
Hermione sputtered for a moment, confused. "Why do you agree? You agree that you are an egotistical prat? I don't understand..."  
  
Ron laughed gently at her and ran his fingers over a scratch in the table. "Yes, I think I'm an egotistical prat, and I'm tired of it. I know I've been quite horrid in the past and my behavior appalls me. We're going to be out of school soon, and look who I've become! I can't keep living this way, being the player and having a different girl every night of the week. I want to marry and have children someday, be happy." He looked seriously into Hermione's eyes, frowning. "I've dug myself into a deep hole, and I can't seem to find my way out, I'm afraid. I'm not sure what to do. That's where I was hoping you could help me, Hermione."  
  
Hermione's mouth was hanging open. She didn't even flinch when Ron suddenly grabbed hold of her hands with his and leaned forward until his face was inches from hers. He looked ready to cry.  
  
"Please Hermione. You're the smartest witch at Hogwarts and I'm sure that if anyone is able to help me, it's you. Please."  
  
My, but his eyes were a most beautiful shade of blue. She tried to clear her mind of the rubbish it was producing and pursed her lips. "Why me?"  
  
"Because you aren't attracted to me and I'm not attracted to you. If I asked any other girl at Hogwarts, they would probably just lead me further astray. I can't ask any of the guys to help me either. First of all, they would never do it, and second, they would never let me live it down." Ron sighed, taking a few moments before he finally continued. "You're my only hope."  
  
Hermione sat back in her chair, removing her hands from Rons and placing them in her lap. She pondered his predicament for a moment before asking, "What would I have to do?"  
  
Ron smiled brightly. "Teach me how to be the kind of man a girl would want to marry, not just have sex with. I'm not exactly sure how to act or talk or show that I am being sincere. I want to show the girls here that I have changed and I am no longer Ron 'The Sex King' Weasley. I want to be...Ron 'the marrying kind of man' Weasley. So how about it?"  
  
Hermione stared at Ron. Should she really help him? Hermione chewed on her bottom lip and considered his plea, trying to judge how sincere he was. He certainly seemed like a man who wanted to change for the better. She smiled suddenly.  
  
If she helped him, she would never have to listen to another girl go on about how great a lover he was again.  
  
Hermione nodded and stood up. "All right Mr. Weasley, I'm willing to help you, but you have to promise me one thing. You cannot have sex with any girls until our training is through...although I'm sure by then, you'll be a reformed man and won't feel the need anymore."  
  
Ron's smile was brilliant as he stood and embraced her. "I promise. Thank you Hermione! I knew I could count on you! You're a doll."  
  
Hermione pushed away from him, perplexed. She looked everywhere but at Ron. "Yes, well...just remember to hold up your end of the bargain. Any way, I must be going now...loads of homework to do. We'll start our training tomorrow night Mr. Weasley, seven sharp in the Charms classroom. Don't be late. Until then." Hermione spun on her heel and quickly walked away from him.  
  
Ron's grin transformed into an evil smile. "Yes, Miss Granger," he said with quiet confidence, "tomorrow, we will start our training...and before the end of the month, you're going to be begging me to break my promise." He picked up the copy of The Feminist Witch that she had left behind in her haste, tossed it into a waste can and set off for the Gryffindor tower.  
  
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Ron looked at his reflection in his mirror, admiring his winning smile. "Gilderoy Lockhart, eat your heart out." He was standing in his room, trying to decide what to wear for his first meeting with Hermione, which was only a half hour away. "Should I wear the light blue sweater, to bring out my eyes...or should I wear the green to show off my hair? Oh damn, I'll just wear the blue and green sweater to show off both." He threw item after item of clothing onto his bed, searching for his choice. He finally found it at the very bottom of his trunk, along with the muggle CD player that Harry had given him last Christmas. It was enchanted to play all of Ron's favorite wizard and muggle songs. He sat it on top of the mound of clothing and pressed play. The CD player shuffled until it finally selected "You Can Do It" by Ice Cube.  
  
"Yeah yeah!" Ron threw off his shirt, adding it to the pile of dirty clothes near his door. Ron turned toward his mirror and started to dance around. He grabbed his comb and did his best rap voice. "Tic-tic-BOOM, hear me banging down these back streets, bumpin' blackstreet, treated like a athlete. Life ain't a track meet, no, it's a marathon! Forget the cemetery that a whigga get buried on. We be clubbing till the day we die and you can ask the bartender if you think we lie, but if you think we high, whigga think again, cause when it's sink or swim, you got to think to win!" Ron proceeded to dance around his room, humping his bed post and doing the Cabbage Patch.  
  
Ron stuck his bum out, rapping in high falsetto, "You can do it, put your back into it!" He stood up straight, holding his hands out in front of him, as though holding onto an imaginary woman and said deeply, "I can do it, put your ass into it!" Ron ran to his trunk, rummaging through it before grabbing a pair of black sunglasses and an old baseball cap. He put them on and returned to his mirror, turning the baseball cap around so that the bill was in back. He waved his hands in the air as he rapped on. "Now all I wanna do is have fun with my loved ones, the thug ones, relatives and my cousins, and I got 'em by the dozen! When they buzzin', quick to say F your husband. This is for my whiggas locked away, extra love for the ones who ain't got no date, but when we hit checkmate with Ronald the great, as soon as I get the word we can rush the safe!"  
  
As he continued to dance around, Ron threw the sunglasses and hat back into the truck and attempted to pull the blue and green striped sweater over his head, which was very difficult to do while shaking his booty at the same time. Ron took one look at himself in the mirror and exclaimed, "Yuck!" He quickly yanked the jumper over his head and threw it back into the trunk as well. Ron grimaced and looked at himself, flexing his muscles. "Hmm...maybe something a little more tight...didn't work on this six pack for three years for nothing!"  
  
He pulled a blue T-shirt off his bed and put it on. He smiled at himself. The shirt went perfectly with the pair of white cords he had on. "Much, much better. How in the world could she resist this?"  
  
"How in the world could WHO resist this?"  
  
Ron jumped in fright and let out a high pitched shriek. He turned to see Ginny at his door, laughing at him. "Virginia Weasley! You scared the shit out of me! How long have you been there?!"  
  
Ginny shook her head at him, trying to keep a straight face. "Oh, I dunno. Not long." Ginny walked into the room, grabbing hold of the bed post and freak dancing on it. "Since about here." She lost control then, rolling around on the floor and laughing loudly. Ron scowled at her.  
  
"Shut up Ginny! Get out of here...this is MY room." He threw a balled up shirt at her and sat down on his bed gloomily. He reached over and pressed stop on his CD player. Ginny sat up and forced herself to stop laughing.  
  
"Ah big bro, it's OK! I do the same thing...just not with that sort of music. Mostly Ditzey Rears or the Chicksie Dicks. Any way, who are you trying to impress?"  
  
"No one, Ginny. Leave me alone." Ron stared at the poster of the Chudley Cannons on his wall and tried to will her to leave telepathically. It didn't work.  
  
Ginny pushed some of his clothes off the bed and sat down beside him. "Really Ron, come on now. You can tell your dear little sister anything! Who have you got your eye on this time? Lavender? Parvati?"  
  
"No, Ginny. I'm not interested in those hoes any more. If you must know, I'm interested in someone much more special...someone with an actual brain." Ron ran his fingers through his hair, casting an arrogant glance at his sister.  
  
Ginny looked doubtful. "Who?"  
  
"None of your business Ginny! Now get out of my room!" Ron pushed Ginny toward the door, where Harry now stood.  
  
"Ah, there you are Ginny! I was looking for you. Want to go out to the, uh... lake with me?" Harry grinned at her with a mischievous look in his eye. Ron pushed Ginny out the door and slammed it, not wanting to hear her answer. "Ugh...my baby sister and my best friend. How gross." Ron looked at the muggle clock he had and froze. He now had five minutes to get to the Charms classroom. He took one last look in the mirror, fixed his hair and bolted out his door, hoping that a few days from now, he'd be 50 galleons richer.  
  
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A/N: Well, there's chapter 2. I'm basically writing this whenever I have time, which is little right now. Look for Chapter 3 soon! 


	3. Knowledge is Power

Disclaimer: The great J. K. Rowling owns all...I own nothing. :) I get no money from this...just fun!  
  
A/N: Yay! Third chapter. Anyway, some answers to reviews...OOC means Out Of Character...Ron WILL get better, have no fear...most men are idiots at times. ;o) There are going to be a few twists...one of them is in this chapter, but there are more to come...and do try to remember that this story is silly guys. ;o) By no means should you take it completly seriously. This all stems from my sick and twisted imagination and I'm having fun writing it, so it'll continue. (I think in some ways, I'D like to be in Hermione's position, able to torture some poor guy...lol Oh well!)  
  
Chapter Three: Knowledge is Power  
  
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The Charms classroom was empty and cold. There were a few large candles lit around the room, giving it an eerie feel, and all was quiet but for the sound of a pair of shoes softly clicking across the floor. Hermione paced back and forth, occasionally pausing to mutter angrily to herself. Ron was now five minutes late. She didn't mind that he wasn't there. On the contrary, it gave her plenty of time to decide what she was going to do with him. As she seated herself upon one of the long desks along the walls, she thought about a conversation she had had a few hours past.  
  
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She had been sitting in the library, reading through her advanced Potions notes and trying to complete her homework when Neville Longbottom came stumbling into her table. She glanced up at him and raised one eyebrow, tapping her long fingers on the table. "What in the WORLD are you doing Neville?"  
  
He took the seat across from her, glancing around as if making sure no one was spying on them. He then looked Hermione in the eye and leaned toward her. "I've got something to tell you Hermione. But you've got to promise you won't say who told you."  
  
Hermione had nodded quickly before pushing her books aside and folding her arms on the table. Neville looked extremely nervous, his eyes darting back and forth constantly. She frowned at him and rested her chin in one hand. "Well, what is it?"  
  
Neville gulped, giving one last frightened look before whispering, "Seamus Finnigan bet Ron Weasley 50 galleons that Ron couldn't get you to have sex with him. He's bedded all the girls in Gryffindor...all but you...and now he wants to make his record complete. He was telling us yesterday about how you agreed to teach him to become the marrying type and how he's planning to seduce you. I know that your first lesson is today, so I figured I'd give you the heads up." Neville sighed deeply in relief, obviously happy to have that off this back.  
  
Inside, Hermione had been fuming. She had never felt as angry as she had at that very moment and wanted nothing more than to find Ron and tear him limb from limb, making sure he'd never be able to feel pleasure at a woman's expense again. But Hermione was smart. Brilliant, in fact. As she had stared at Neville, trying not to give in to her explosive anger, her mind had deducted a plan to even the score. She wasn't going to just yell at Ron and then let him go on, never feeling the embarrassment she was facing...no. She was going to make him wish he had never been born.  
  
Hermione had thanked Neville then, stood, and started to retrieve her things when a thought stuck her. "Neville..." she asked, "Why did you come to me and tell me instead of just letting them do it?"  
  
Neville blushed, scratching his head. "You've always been nice to me Hermione...helping me in our classes and letting me borrow your notes...I couldn't just let them do that to you. You're a good person and you don't deserve the pain they were going to inflict on you...although I'm sure your embarrassment would have been nothing like Ron's will be now that you know." Hermione had given him a questioning look and he had explained the terms for the bet. She had laughed, thanked Neville and walked off, plotting her revenge.  
  
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Now Hermione sat alone in the Charms room, reviewing this lesson over and over again in her head. Yes, Ronald Weasley would pay for his crimes against women. This would be a lesson he wouldn't soon forget.  
  
She was lost in thought when the door suddenly banged open, producing a very nervous looking Ron. He was panting hard, looking around desperately to make sure she hadn't left. Hermione smiled grimly as he ran a shaking hand through his hair, then quietly called out, "Boo."  
  
Ron turned to where she was concealed in the shadows and squinted to see her better. She lifted herself off the desk and walked toward him, swaying her hips to a silent rhythm. He smiled slightly as she entered the light. She sized him up and wasn't surprised to see he had chosen clothes to show off his muscular body. He was predictable as usual. She, however, was wearing a simple Hogwarts sweatshirt and a pair of jeans, as she always dressed more for comfort and less for style. In her opinion, there was no need to show off her goods and make men thirst for what they couldn't have...at least, not yet.  
  
"You're late." She spoke softly, glaring at him with a maddening smile upon her face. "If you really want to change for the better, Mr. Weasley, you're gong to have to be here on time. I'm a very busy girl and I don't have time to sit around and wait all day. Now please, take a seat." Hermione turned, facing the windows in the classroom and suppressed a laugh. It felt so good to give him orders, as if she were Professor McGonagall herself. She found she liked this feeling very much.  
  
Ron sat himself on a chair that Hermione had placed in the middle of the room and folded his hands like a good boy. She knew he was waiting for her to speak, but having him wait would be a trial for him, adding some dramatic flair to this lesson. Hermione glanced at herself in the windows one more time before spinning around and sitting down upon a chair in front of Ron. "Now Mr. Weasley...I know you want to transform into 'commitment guy' overnight, but that's just not possible. It will be awhile before you are able to want to settle down and commit, but I have no doubt we'll be able to fix you right up. Now then, I need to ask you some questions to better prepare these...lessons. Is that all right?"  
  
He nodded, evidently stunned into silence. She smiled at him in an encouraging way and looked toward the desk where she had been sitting at. "Accio paper. Accio quill. Accio ink bottle." The items flew to her hand and she started to write down notes. "Good. Now, is there any one girl you have in mind?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Right...now, what is it you're hoping to achieve here?"  
  
"Uh...I'm hoping that I'll be able to stop having one night stands and to show this girl that I am ready to commit to her." Ron looked slightly confused at her question.  
  
"Good, good...do you mind if I take off this shirt? It's getting hot in here." Before Ron could answer, Hermione pulled her sweatshirt up over her head and threw it on the floor beside her. "Phew,"she said, "that's much better!"  
  
She was very satisfied when Ron's eyes practically bulged out of his sockets. She gingerly tossed her hair over her shoulder and examined his reaction. She was wearing a tight, low-cut black tank top that she had borrowed from Ginny and she knew it gave her plenty of cleavage to spare. Ron's eyes were glued to her chest, awe and surprise written all over his face. She cleared her throat, smirking. "Well then, where were we? Oh yes...the questions. Now Mr. Weasley, are you willing to do all I tell you without complaint? Note that everything we will do here is in your very best interest, and that I am trying to help you to the best of my ability. Do you agree to do all I say? Mr. Weasley? MR. WEASLEY?"  
  
Ron's gaze finally adjusted on her face and nodded, confused. She had the feeling that he could have sold his soul to the Devil at that moment and never have known it. She was sure he had no idea what she was talking about, but it didn't matter. She was going to make him suffer either way. "Very good, Mr. Weasley. Now, women today require very little. Many men believe that they must buy diamonds and expensive gifts to keep their women happy and their relationship stable, but that is not the case. What you need to do to win over your girl is treat her with respect, give her plenty of affection, speak loving words to her and show her how much you care. Remember, Mr. Weasley, communication is key. Do you follow?"  
  
Ron nodded and grinned at her, leaning his chair on its back two legs. Hermione frowned at him. "Right then. Our first lesson will be to teach you to act like a gentleman, and not a heathen. Women do not want a slobbering oaf who swears every other word and makes crude jokes continuously. They want someone who will treat them with respect, like an equal. Now Mr. Weasley, did you know that all four legs of a chair belong on the floor?"  
  
Ron's grin grew larger and he pushed his chair even further back. "I don't actually believe that theory, no." Hermione smiled patiently.  
  
"It's a very good theory indeed. Do you know what tends to happen when you tip your chair like that, Mr. Weasley?"  
  
"No," Ron baited, "what?"  
  
Hermione stretched out her leg and kicked Ron's chair with all her might. He went toppling backwards, his arms flailing about. He landed on his back, his legs sticking in the air. Hermione smirked and spoke casually. "They tip backwards."  
  
He rolled off the chair, crawling to his feet and scowling at Hermione. After sitting the chair upright again, he sat back down and folded his arms, pouting in an angry i'm-a-child-and-you-wont-buy-me-a- Larry-Water-action-figure kind of way. Hermione rolled her eyes and continued on with her lesson. "Tell me Mr. Weasley...If a girl is crying and you have no idea what's wrong with her, what do you say?"  
  
Ron huffed a moment before answering her, "What's the hell is your problem?"  
  
Hermione stared at him, trying to determine if he was serious. He was. She shook her head and said, "No. When a girl is crying, you ask her what is the matter and try to comfort her. She may want to be left alone every once in a while, but more often than not, she needs you to be there for her. You don't really have to say anything. If you listen to her and then hold her in your arms, she would be more than pleased."  
  
Ron now looked more attentive to what she was saying. She was glad he was over his little anger fit and continued on with the questions. "If a girl asks you if she looks fat in an outfit, what do you say?"  
  
Ron's looked at his hands, deep in thought. Hermione found herself gazing at his full lips. They looked unbelievably soft. She instantly found herself daydreaming about kissing him in a down pour on a secluded road some where. He would run his hands through her hair, tenderly assaulting her mouth with his. He would slowly kiss along her jawbone, and when he reached her ear, he would tell her how beautiful she was, and how he longed to hold her forever, how he would forsake all others for her, how -  
  
"HERMIONE!" Ron's beautiful mouth was yelling at her. She snapped out of her revelry and blinked. He looked amused. That was not a good sign.  
  
"I'm sorry, Mr. Weasley..." she said hesitantly. "I was thinking about my Herbology homework and got caught up in it. What was your answer?"  
  
Ron gave her a pointed look. "I said I would tell her the truth. If she looked fat, I'd tell her she looked fat. If she was hot, I'd tell her that I'd like to take those jeans she was wearing and - "  
  
"All right then Weasley, too much information." Hermione paused. "And I never said she was wearing jeans. Just an outfit." Ron immediately flushed bright red, his blue eyes widening. Hermione tried her best not to laugh. "But unless she is the type that can handle the truth, it's best to just tell her she looks good in everything she wears. You're liable to lose certain body parts if you tell her she's fat."  
  
Ron nodded very quickly, swallowing so hard his Adam's apple bobbed up and down. "Well then, can we call it a night? I have a load of homework to do before tomorrow." He practically jumped out of his chair, rushing for the door.  
  
"Wait!" Hermione called. He paused and slowly turned back to look at her. She grabbed a piece of paper from her pad and walked to where he stood. "I have an assignment for you. I want you to write a poem for tomorrow, a very romantic one that a girl would melt over." As Hermione spoke, she stepped in close to him, casually leaning against him and rubbing her chest again his arm. "Let's see how well you do with written words, hmm? Although if you write in bed, I'm sure you'll be fine." Hermione smiled up at Ron and gave her best seductive look. "And I'm sure you're very good in bed."  
  
Ron's mouth gaped. "W-w-what?" he stammered.  
  
Hermione smiled politely. "I find that I write some of my best poetry when I am trying to fall asleep. Inspiration comes in the form of moonlight sometimes. I'm sure you'll be just as good in bed as I am."  
  
Ron's eyes were as big as Dobby the house elf's as he stared at Hermione. "Right...right then...I've got to...um...go to bed now. Write that poem. See you tomorrow at seven. Bye!" Ron ran off to the Gryffindor tower as fast as he could. Hermione couldn't help the laughter that came bubbling from her lips. The great and powerful Ronald "The Sex King" Weasley had just been flabbergasted by a girl with no sexual experience. Did life get any better than this?  
  
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	4. Poetry in Motion

Disclaimer: The great J. K. Rowling owns all...I own nothing. :) I get no money from this...just fun!  
  
AN: Woo hoo, only took me a day to get the next chapter up! I am GOOD! lol Anyway, if you are a Draco fan, please don't be mad! :) I just like to poke a bit of fun at his character. No offense, or anything. So yeah, the next chapters will be up soon. I hope you guys are liking this story! :) BTW...if you haven't read OotP yet, be careful! There is a bit of a spoiler in here...it's in the third paragraph down.Lata!  
  
Chapter Four: Poetry in Motion  
  
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Ron stared at his scrambled eggs. It was the next morning and he was at breakfast in the Great Hall, but nothing seemed appealing. He kept stealing glances at Hermione, trying to determine if she was starting to succumb to his charm. She was eating slowly, captured in the Larry Water book she held in her hand. He smiled at the way her eyes would widen every couple of minutes, reacting to whatever has happening in the story. Ron turned his head back to look at Harry, who was sitting across from him. Harry was shoveling everything he could get his hands on into his mouth. "Damn Harry, in a hurry today?"  
  
Harry gave a worried look at Ron and gulped down his orange juice. "Uh...just really hungry. Um...Quidditch practice...uh...takes all my energy. Leaves me famished." Harry took a large bite of toast with marmalade and quickly glanced at Ginny, who was a few seats away beside Hermione. Ginny looked at the ceiling. "Oh...look...clouds. Never noticed those before...nope." She laughed nervously, then returned to her food. Ron's eyes narrowed, but he shrugged it off and turned his face once more to Hermione.  
  
Her mouth was hanging open as she stared at her book. She pulled Ginny's sleeve, grabbing her attention. "Oh my gosh Ginny! Larry just kissed Doe!" Ginny gasped and exclaimed, "No way! Doe, the girl who works at Express that he has a crush on? What happened?" Hermione swallowed a gulp of milk and grinned. "They were at a meeting at the D.A. mall and they happened to be under some mistletoe, and Doe was crying because she missed her boyfriend Dedrick, who was bitten by Lord Callmedork's rabid hamster and died. Well, Doe thought that Larry looked so cute, in his white Gap shirt, and then he leaned in and...woo hoo! I certainly hope that means that Don will finally kiss Slimy now. They are destined for each other!" Hermione smiled so brightly that Ron was stunned. He had never seen her smile like that before. Realizing he was staring, he turned his face back to his plate and blushed.  
  
"HelloOOOOoooo!" said a very bright and chipper male voice. "Oh-MI- God, Potter, you look soooo hot today. Those Quidditch robes just do something for your physique, that's for sure!" Draco Malfoy sauntered up to the table, grinning wildly and eyeing Harry. Harry grumbled something and scooted down in his chair. Draco's hand flew to his chest. "Oh my, looks like he's shy today! I was just telling Crabbe that I always did fancy the shy ones! Although I must say that Weasley looks damn fine as well, and he's never been shy! Well, I'm off! So many guys to see, so little time! Ta ta!" He waved his hand wildly and walked off with Crabbe and Goyle, swaying his hips. Ron glared at Harry and mumbled, "I think I liked him better when he was straight."  
  
He turned in time to see Hermione standing up, Larry Water book still in hand. She put the book on the table for a moment and took off her robes to revile that she was wearing a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans yet again. After saying goodbye to Ginny, she looked right at him and said, "Remember Weasley, seven o' clock tonight. Don't be late again." She smiled, raising an eyebrow and turned to leave, accidentally knocking her copy of Larry Water and the Order of the Phoenix Fries off the table and onto the floor. "Oops! How clumsy of me." She exclaimed. Hermione bent down to retrieve her book, giving Ron a nice view of her ass. Ron felt his heart race and found he couldn't tear his eyes away. The girl certainly could wear a pair of jeans properly. She stood up slowly, then continued on her way. Ron shook his head and went back to staring at his plate. Things were definitely starting to get strange.  
  
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Hermione sat alone in the Charms classroom once again. It was 6:55. She doubted Ron would be on time, but she needed to be alone for a while and think about what she was going to do this lesson. She sat in the very same chair that she had the night before, staring at her hands. She had decided to step up her seduction, wearing a pink tank top and a long, flowing white skirt with large pink butterflies on it. The top looked a lot like a corset, a muggle torture device women used to wear to make themselves look thinner. She tossed her waist long curls over her shoulder and folded her hands in her lap, deep in thought. She heard the door open quietly, a sharp intake of air, then the sound of the door being shut. She looked at her muggle watch. It said 6:57. He had amazingly arrived on time. She glanced up at him, frowning and saw he was wearing a green V-neck T- shirt and a pair of khakis. "You're early." She said softly.  
  
He smiled and sat down in the chair in front of her, staring like he was examining her. "Nice outfit." He remarked.  
  
Hermione looked down at herself, then back at him. "That must mean I don't look fat in it." Ron threw his head back and laughed. She couldn't contain the smile that lit her face. He was cute when he let go of his cool act. Hermione felt disgusted with herself. Come on now, she thought, don't revert back to that stupid crush! You just got over him! Remember what he's planning on doing to you! Hermione thought about the bet and immediately frowned. "Now then Mr. Weasley, do you have the poem I asked you to prepare?"  
  
Ron nodded and pulled a piece of parchment out of his pocket. She crossed her legs and leaned back into the chair, eager to hear what he had written. Ron glanced at her, then looked back at his paper, taking a deep breath.  
  
"Yo - yo - yo - yo! I never thought that I'd find a bitch who could cure my fucked up players itch! I think it's cute when you wear them clothes that make you look like you is a hoe. I think about you all the time and dream 'bout how I can make you mine. I'd like to see your boobies please and lick you till you weak in the knees. I always wonder what color hair you have upon your mound down there. Your booty is so nice and round! I'll tap your ass and you'll make sounds. I wanna hear you scream my name and we can play those dirty games. I bet that you are really kinky! Got me wrapped around your little pinkie. So though you think that I am dumb, you'll think I'm smart when I make you cum!"  
  
Ron grinned, obviously proud of his poem, folded the piece of parchment and put it back in his pocket, waiting for praise.  
  
Hermione was shocked. Her mouth was hanging open and her eyes were wide. She stared at Ron for a minute before stuttering, 'W- what...uh...Ron....I, uh...wow." Hermione's mouth snapped shut and she fidgeted. She was at a loss for words.  
  
Ron nodded in a knowing way. "That good, huh?"  
  
Hermione frowned. "Do you honestly think that a girl would like it if you gave that to her? Do you think she would fall to her knees begging you to be hers? 'Oh yes, I'll show you my boobies! Take me now!' Please. Only if it were Parvati or Pansy. Any normal, responsible, respectable woman would feel degraded and probably laugh!" She paused and felt guilty over the disappointed look that had come over his face. "Ron, I'm not saying it was horrible. I'm just saying that a woman wants to be wooed...not made to feel like she is just a piece of ass! Now, we'll try it again and I'll help you, and...what?" Ron was staring at her like he had just seen a ghost. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "What in the world are you staring at me for?" she exclaimed, perplexed.  
  
"You just called me Ron." He said with awe in his voice.  
  
Hermione thought about what she had said and shrugged. "So I did. What's the big deal?"  
  
Ron's smile nearly blinded her. He looked so happy. "You've never called me Ron. Only Weasley, or Mr. Weasley. Never Ron. I like hearing my name spill from your lips."  
  
Hermione blushed, rolling her eyes. She stood and turned away from Ron, walking away to look out the window. The Hogwart's grounds were silent and still. "Well Ron, I see you do have some poetry inside of you. That was almost romantic. Come now, I know you can do better than that...poem...you wrote. Close your eyes." She waited until he had done as she said, then spoke quietly. "Think of the girl you are hoping to impress. Picture her in your mind. Don't think of lust, but of pureness. Now think of love, and how you would express to someone that you love them, baring your soul for them to see. Now open your eyes. Pretend that I am the girl you want, the person you want more than anyone. Tell me what you feel. Tell me what you are thinking."  
  
Silence. Hermione stood staring at her reflection in the window, waiting for him to say something, anything. Just as she was giving up hope that he had any romance left in him, he spoke.  
  
"I have never seen such eyes before. Surely eyes like yours are fit for angels, for the Goddesses of old. They speak to me of times gone by, of tragedy seen, of hopes and dreams and an undying passion for life. To have these eyes set upon me is truly an act of God. Never have I dreamed that I would be in the presence of Aphrodite herself, reborn again as a human girl, a beauty matched by no other. " Hermione's breath caught in her throat. She stared at her reflection, surprised as Ron came up behind her, staring intently at their image in the window. He pressed himself against her, running his hands down her arms. She shivered slightly, unnerved by the warmth his touch provoked. He moved her hair away from her face, leaned down and pressed his lips softly to where her neck and shoulder met. She closed her eyes, suddenly feeling weak. His lips were barely touching her. He smoothed them along her shoulder and back to her neck, making his way up to her ear. He ran his tongue along the edge before kissing the sensitive area behind it.  
  
Hermione opened her eyes and saw him staring at her in the window, his blue eyes glowing. He nuzzled her hair before continuing, his voice barely a whisper. "Because of you, this heart has a new purpose. Where it was dark, light has taken hold. Where it was dead, life has bloomed and flourished. Each beat is a tribute to you, the only love I've ever known. My eyes see nothing but the beautiful light that envelopes you. One space in time. One breathless moment. Like an untamed fire, my love grows wild, and I awake from the cold I knew to discover all I ever dreamed of was you."  
  
Hermione felt tears well up in her eyes. Ron was still staring at their reflection, his gaze intense. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and buried his face in her hair, inhaling the scent of her shampoo. Hermione shuddered as she breathed, moved to her core. She couldn't believe that he had such beautiful words trapped inside him, such a lovely mind capable of thoughts like those. She took a deep breath, one single tear glistening on her cheek. "Ron...that was beautiful."  
  
Ron lifted his head and stared at her again. He turned her in his arms until she was facing him and wiped the tear away with his thumb, his expression serious. Hermione looked away, avoiding his probing gaze. "I'm sure that whoever the girl is that you feel such emotion for, she is a very special woman."  
  
She felt him smooth her hair away from her face, placing one hand on her shoulder. "Yes. She is." She looked at his face and saw that he was staring at her lips. She licked them. Ron's eyes darkened and she was captivated by the desire she saw there. He tilted her head up with one hand, the other snaking around her shoulders to press her against him. He leaned down toward her, sweeping his lips over hers. They stood still for a few seconds, their breath mingling. All she could think about was how bad she wanted to taste him. Her hands, which had been on his chest, moved to the back of his neck, pulling him down to her. Ron's lips met hers and she felt as though she were melting. He kissed her so tenderly, as though he was afraid he would bruise her. She felt his hands in her hair, his arms holding her to him and she shook with her desire for him. His lips were full and soft, his body so hard. Ron tore his lips away from hers and started kissing all over her face. She felt cherished and loved and giddy all at once. His mouth founds hers again and she knew she was powerless against him. At the moment, nothing mattered. Not even his past.  
  
As this thought crossed her mind, Hermione remembered the bet, the girls, the "sex king." Her eyes snapped open and she pushed at his chest, stepping out of his embrace. She saw the hurt look on his face and she became angry. How could she be so stupid as to start to fall for him again? She had already done that in her first year, allowing her heart to become attached to the one guy she could never have. She had adored him from afar, choosing not to believe the rumors about him that started over the years. Her heart had been shattered in their fifth year when she saw him with Susan Bones underneath the Quidditch bleachers. She had been in love with a false image for four years. She had felt like a fool.  
  
Hermione shook her head, glaring at Ron, who looked confused. She wouldn't let that happen again. "I'm sorry I did that, Mr. Weasley. I don't know what came over me." She walked quickly to the desk where her books laid, pick them up and turned to look at him. "I don't think this is a good idea anymore, Mr. Weasley. We shouldn't continue these lessons. I'm sorry, but I - I just have a lot of homework to do and I will fall behind if I do this." She couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye. She knew her excuse was pathetic but she didn't care. She had to get out as quick as she possibly could. "I hope that everything works out for you and that girl, Mr. Weasley." With that, Hermione ran from the room, the tears she had fought so hard to stop raining freely down her cheeks.  
  
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	5. Telling the Truth

Disclaimer: The great J. K. Rowling owns all...I own NOTHING! I AM LOSER! YOU GO HOME! YOU BEEN HERE FOUR HOUR!!!.(Woah...Japanese voice got away from me there for a moment..) I get no money from this...just fun!  
  
AN: Yeah! Chapter 5! Yay! *does some high kicks, back hand springs, ect, ect...OK, so really, I'm not. I'd kill myself if I tried. I think I'll sit in front of the TV in my arm chair with some chips instead. Even thinking about doing that stuff makes me tired* Anyway, fear not. There is more to come. And thanks for the reviews girls and guys! They make me feel so good. ;o) Oh, and to one of my reviewers...go back to chapter one and read the AN at the beginning...it'll explain why they act like they don't know each other. And I can't have stole the plot from any Lily and James story...I've never read one! LOL I never thought about that when I started this story...I guess it could be a L/J...but it's NOT! BWA HA HA! IT'S A RON AND HERMIONE TWISTED EVIL STORY!! I love controlling them. I'm such a freak. lol ANYWAYS, I suppose you'll want to read the story now. This chapter will be shorter, and not very funny at all. It's mainly serious. :) Hope ya don't mind. Here we go!  
  
Chapter Five: Telling the Truth  
  
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Hermione ran down the hallway, searching for somewhere to go, desperate for shelter from the storm that raged in her mind. She couldn't return to the Gryffindor common room and let everyone see the weakness in her. Hermione saw the Transfiguration room up ahead and hoped to find solace there. She quickly stepped inside, only to hear footsteps pounding the pavement in her wake. She held her breath and hid behind the large door, praying that Ron wouldn't find her and make her explain herself. They were closer now. She squeezed her eyes shut and forced herself to remain calm. The footsteps stopped abruptly. A voice echoed in the empty hallway. "Oi, Ron! There you are. Been looking all over for you, mate."  
  
Hermione recognized the voice as Seamus Finnigan and breathed a tiny sigh of relief. She listened to Seamus thump clumsily down the hallway, his boots smacking the pavement. Ron's softer, more urgent footsteps came close to the room she was in and she stared at the door, her heart beating fast. "Why were you looking for me?"  
  
Seamus chuckled and replied, "Just wondering how our bet was coming along. It seemed to me that Hermione couldn't keep her eyes off you today in Potions. Have you got the little snitch into bed yet?"  
  
There was a long moment of silence. Hermione covered her mouth with her hands. Her breathing seemed so loud that she was sure that they could hear her in America. Ron finally spoke. "No." he confessed quietly.  
  
"Ah, that's too bad. How long do you think it's going to take you to unfreeze the Ice Queen? A week? A month?"  
  
There was another pregnant pause. "I want to call off the bet, Seamus."  
  
Hermione's jaw dropped. Did he say what she thought he did?  
  
Obviously Seamus was shocked as well. "What in bloody hell do you mean? You want to call off the bet? Why?"  
  
"Because she deserves better than this. She's worth more than 50 galleons."  
  
"All right then, we'll up it to 100 if that's what you want."  
  
"Seamus, you don't seem to get it. I don't want to be paid for sleeping with Hermione. She's not some stupid bet...she's a proud, respectable woman. I won't take something so pure from her for the entertainment of others and then humiliate her. It's ridiculous."  
  
"How is she different from any of the others girls you've bedded? This should be easy for you. You didn't seem to care about those other women and what happened to them." Seamus was starting to get angry, and from the sound of it, so was Ron.  
  
"She isn't other girls. She's Hermione. And I can't do this to her -"  
  
"Since when do you CARE about her?" Seamus practically yelled.  
  
"Since forever, OK? Since fucking forever. Ever since we met back on the Hogwart's Express our first year, when she intruded on me and Harry, looking for Neville's stupid frog. I've always felt something for her. We've never really been friends, but I've always watched after her, wishing I had the guts to stop sleeping with other girls and just tell her how I feel. The best part of this stupid bet was that I got to spend time with her and finally get to know her a bit better!"  
  
Ron sighed and continued. "When you guys said that she was one I had to bed to win this bet, my heart leapt for joy and froze all at once. I've known all along that I would never be able to hurt her this way, but I just ignored what my heart was saying and let my pride get the best of me. Seamus, I love this girl. I LOVE her. I love how she bosses me around and gives me disapproving looks in Transfiguration and how she gets excited when she reads a good book. I've always paid attention to her, getting to know her without ever really getting too close and she is the most beautiful person I know. I can't continue on with this bet. I WON'T."  
  
"Well, I won't call off the bet. You're just going to have to lose and pay up."  
  
The tension in the air thickened. There was a moment's silence before Ron answered, "She's more than worth it."  
  
"Fine then. It's your funeral. I hope you enjoy shaking your bum in Colin Creevey's face." Seamus stomped off, his boots squeaking angrily.  
  
There was more silence. Hermione's hands were still covering her mouth, silent tears streaming down her face. Ron loved her! He really loved her! She couldn't believe that all these years, as she was watching him when she thought he wasn't looking, he was watching her in return. She listened for any movement out in the corridor, any sign that he was still there. She finally heard him sigh heavily and the sound of his footsteps retreating to an unknown destination. Hermione expelled the breath she had been holding, leaning her back against the wall and sliding down to sit on the floor.  
  
He had lost the bet. Now he was going to suffer the consequences, all for her well being and humility. She felt humbled. His embarrassment would be great and he was willing to take it for her...for little Hermione Granger. She stared at the door as she thought. What could she do to save him? To show him how much he meant to her? The answer came swiftly, and she nodded, having made her decision. She stood, brushing the dirt off of her skirt, and quickly walked through the Transfiguration door and away to her room.  
  
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Ron laid on his back, his hands clasped behind his head. It was now one am, and he was no where near asleep. He had been laying in the dark on his bed for hours now. He couldn't keep himself from thinking about what he had said earlier. What had possessed him to confess his feelings for Hermione to Seamus? He had never told anyone, not even Harry, and there he was, pouring his heart out to someone who wanted to see him fail. Ron closed his eyes and frowned. Everything was a mess. The only girl he loved didn't want him, he lost the stupid bet and now everyone would know how he felt about Hermione. For once, he didn't know how to fix what was wrong.  
  
He thought back to the lesson. Hermione had looked so angry, like she hated him for kissing her. He had seen the pain in her eyes and still couldn't figure out what it meant, but he knew that she lied about why she couldn't continue the lessons. According to Lavender, she was already six months ahead in every class. Why was she so angry about the kiss?  
  
And what a kiss it was. He smiled, unable to stop his heart from beating faster. He had tasted the passion she had buried deep inside herself, the sexual longing she hid from everyone. Her kisses had been inexperienced, but that only heightened the thrill for him. She was so innocent, so pure and beautiful. He had felt something different in her kiss. He found that he didn't want to just use her for his own pleasure and then toss her away, but take care of her, protect her, make love to her. Everything about her was so lovely. So inspiring. To even touch her had made him feel like his life was complete, like she was what was missing for so many years...and now, come morning, she would know. Ron slapped his forehead and groaned. She would probably hate him.  
  
Ron thought he heard his door open and close quietly, but immediately pushed that from his mind. His imagination must have been working overtime. He started humming a Diagonalley Boys song that he had heard earlier. He was desperate for something to take his mind off Hermione. Lord knows that if he thought about her much longer, he and his right hand would become well acquainted. Not that they weren't already. Ron was a very randy boy.  
  
Something moved at the bottom of the bed. Ron froze and his eyes flew open. He knew that was not his imagination. Someone, or something was definitely in the room. He remembered back to the time in his third year when he had awoken to Sirius Black standing over his bed with a knife. His breathing uneasy, he moved his hand across the bed, searching for his wand. His fingers gripped the hard wood. Ron took a deep breath and counted to five before sitting up abruptly and yelling, "LUMOS!" He pointed his wand at the shape at the bottom of his bed and his eyes widened. Crookshanks.  
  
"Blimey Crookshanks, how the hell did you get in here? You scared the shit out of me!" Crookshanks meowed at him and he rolled his eyes, throwing his wand aside as the light at the end went out. He reached down to grab the cat. "Come here, kitty. What are you doing here?" Ron petted the cat and when it started to purr loudly, he scratched it's ears. "Pretty kitty. Pretty, pretty kitty. Who's Ronniekin's favorite wittle kitty witty? Crookshanks! Oh yes, look, you like that, don't you. What a nice kitty." Crookshanks was giving him a look like he was mad. "What? Don't you like baby talk?" Crookshanks snapped his tail at Ron before bounding off the bed, disappearing from sight. Ron chuckled.  
  
"He's not one for baby talk, no."  
  
Ron gasped and threw himself against the headboard. His mirror had just talked! He knew of mirrors that COULD, but he had never known his was one of them. "How - how do you know that?"  
  
The mirror chuckled. "You would think I would know since I own him." Ron frowned. His mirror owned Crookshanks? He was confused. Since when did his mirror have pets?  
  
"I wasn't aware that you had any animals."  
  
The mirror paused. "Who did you THINK Crookshanks belonged to?"  
  
Ron searched for his wand again. "Hermione."  
  
The mirror was silent. Ron frowned, not finding his wand on the bed. It must have fallen to the floor. He moved off the bed to crawl on his hands and knees, searching for the wand. He heard a rustling noise, then silence again. He finally found his wand lying underneath his bedside table. He turned to where his mirror was and pointed his wand, muttering, "Lumos." Sure enough, the only thing on his dressing table was the mirror. He stared at it. He thought about all the times that he danced around, stood naked before it, admired his ass...the mirror had been able to talk the entire time. How embarrassing.  
  
"What are you staring at?"  
  
Ron's head whipped around to his bed.  
  
Hermione.  
  
She was sitting at the end, her legs crossed, a small smile on her face. She was wearing a pink, silk bathrobe and her feet were bare. Her hair tumbled down her back. She looked like an angel. Had she been there all along?  
  
"Uh...I think my mirror talks." He reached up on his bedside table and lit a candle, extinguishing his wand. He heard Hermione laugh and realized that it had been she talking, not the mirror. He felt his face go red and slowly turned back to look at her. She grinned.  
  
"I was sitting on your dresser. Sorry." She stood up, moving to his door and opening it. Crookshanks meowed his thanks and promptly made his way out, his tale flipping back and forth happily. She closed the door softly, then turned to Ron, who had crawled back to his bed and was now sitting on the edge of it near the headboard.  
  
Ron looked at her, standing there by the door. She was so beautiful. "What are you doing here Hermione? It's one in the morning and you've got to be tired." Her presence was intoxicating. She made her way back to the bed, sitting beside him. He was surprised that she was anywhere near him, let alone talking to him. She seemed so angry when she had run out on him that evening. Now here she was, smiling and happy and staring at him with those large, chocolate eyes. He didn't know what to say.  
  
They sat in silence for a few more moments before Hermione finally spoke. "I'm kind of jealous of the way you treated Crookshanks. Do you treat all your little kitties that way?"  
  
Ron's eyes nearly bulged out of his head. Did she mean what he thought she meant? No, she couldn't. She just wasn't like that...was she?  
  
Ron looked her in the eye. "I'll only treat a kitty like that if she'll purr for me." He knew he had her there. Even in the soft firelight, he could see the faint blush on her face. Oh, she was enjoying this bit of play. He found he liked that about her.  
  
As she leaned back on her elbows, she stared straight ahead and said softly, "Well, if you would pet me the way you did Crookshanks, I'm sure I'd purr too."  
  
Ron groaned, unable to stop the image that entered his mind. He felt something stir in his pajama pants. He had to know why she was there. "Why are you here Hermione?" He closed his eyes, unsure of what the answer would be. He felt her move closer to him. He was surprised when she took his hand, entwining their fingers. He opened his eyes to look at their joined hands, then at her face. She was staring intently at him. Her eyes drifted down to his lips, then traveled back to meet his eyes.  
  
"I need you, Ron."  
  
Ron was sure he was dreaming. She needed him? As he opened his mouth to question her further, she placed her other hand over it, the ends of her fingers laying on his lips. She shook her head slightly, her gaze never leaving his. "Please. Don't ask why. Just...please. I need you." She took a shaky breath, her eyes glassy.  
  
He kissed the ends of her fingers before removing her hand from his lips. He took her head in his hands, staring intently into her eyes. He nodded, smiling at her in a loving way. He brought her lips to his, moving to embrace her tightly. She threw her arms around his neck, gently returning his kisses. Ron felt like he had died and gone to heaven. He ran his hand through her hair, cradling her head as he lowered her onto her back. As he pressed his body against hers, she groaned in pleasure. He felt her smile against his lips and he moved his face away to look at her. He leisurely caressed her cheek with his fingers, then ran his thumb over her lips. He felt his heart swell with happiness. "Lord, Hermione...you are so damn beautiful."  
  
She smiled blissfully at him, her hands moving down between them. He leaned onto his side to watch her untie her belt, opening the robe to reveal that she was wearing nothing beneath it. Ron's breath caught. She was even more amazing that he could have ever imagined. He looked back at her face, her large eyes dancing with the light of the candle. "Hermione..." he breathed, "are you sure?" There was a moment's pause before she nodded, smiling brilliantly.  
  
"Oh god." Ron pulled her close to him, his lips urgently devouring hers. He pulled back suddenly. "I love you." He watched her face, trying to judge her reaction. Hermione laughed happily, pulling him back to her and kissing him with all the passion in her soul. As he held her tiny body to his, Ron knew the old saying was true; the truth did set you free.  
  
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AN: That's not the ending dear ones! There is more to come. I hope you enjoyed that chapter...I didn't want to make a gory love scene (Although I'm sure I could write a very nice one), so you'll have to use your imagination. Next chapter will be up soon! 


	6. Scandalous

Disclaimer: The great J. K. Rowling owns all...I own nothing. :) I get no money from this...just fun!  
  
AN: Sorry it took so long to put this up! I've had a lot to do, what with the 4th of July and everything. (Happy Birthday America!)This one will be shortish, but silly. LOL This isn't the last chapter...there is definitely more to come. I guess now people are wanting to write Larry Water stories, which makes me feel good. LOL Oh, and to one of my reviewers, about Ron's outfit in Chapter 2? I TOTALLY agree! That's exactly how I was picturing him when I wrote that!(All I know is that I have a very soft spot for red haired men...lol) Anyway, hope you like this chapter! I was laughing so hard when I wrote some of this, so hopefully you will too. lol BTW, if you want to IM me, my AIM name is BringMeToLife81, and my e- mail address is MoonlightDiva1981@yahoo.com. Lata!  
  
Chapter Six: Scandalous  
  
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Ron whistled happily has he walked down to breakfast. He said good morning to several people along the way, inquiring how they were, which greatly surprised everyone. Ron felt he had never been in such a good mood as he was at the moment. He had awoken that morning holding the most beautiful, thrilling woman on Earth, and he couldn't have been happier. She had given him a sleepy smile, then crawled out of his bed, laughing when she got caught in the bed clothes and fell to the floor, the sheet draped around her like a toga. Ron thought that he had never seen a lovelier sight. Hermione had thrown on her clothes, then tiptoed out his door, blowing him a kiss. He had laid in bed for a half hour more, dreaming about what color house they would have, what they would name their children, and how they would spend their evenings from now until they were 110. Ron was a very happy man indeed.  
  
"Oh Oh, Weasley! Mornin' hunny! You are looking so happy and perky today! You look brighter than the sun on a summer's day, oh my! And your ass! My, do you do 'Buns of Steel?' A personal favorite of mine, for sure. Of course, that Richard Simmons is a looker, I must say!"  
  
Ron continued smiling. Not even Draco Malfoy could ruin things for him today. He stopped and nodded at Draco, who was leaning against a wall with his hands on his hips. Today he was wearing a set of violent purple robes that had the word Gucci embroidered on them. Draco had a large flower in his hair and his shoes were nothing but a pair of slippers that matched his loud robes. The slippers had gold tassels on them and a pair of small bells, which jingled whenever Draco moved. Draco's eyes were lined with kohl, and on his lips, he wore a shade of lavender similar to the color of his outfit. Ron thought he looked like the purple people eater. "Hello Draco. My, but that lipstick is but a becoming shade on you." Ron tried not to smirk as he spoke. Making fun of Draco in a secretive way was one of the best forms of entertainment.  
  
Draco giggled behind his fingers, sending Ron a seductive look. "You're such a doll! If you ever want to jump the fence Ron, you know who to call!" Draco winked at him before calling out at another guy, who Ron was sure was a Slytherin. As Draco sauntered toward him, the poor fellows eyes grew large in fright and he quickly took off running, Draco in hot pursuit. Ron laughed out loud at the scene, then continued to make his way toward breakfast. There was a certain bushy haired bookworm he was eager to pursue himself.  
  
As Ron made it to the doors of the front hall, he saw a short girl walking out, her face buried in a book. He smiled. Hermione. She was in a hurry, her eyes intense as she read. Ron glanced at the cover, which featured a muggle boy with dark hair and glasses, brandishing a long French fry as a weapon. She was obviously still fighting her way through the latest Larry Water book, which was 6,472 pages long...or so he had heard. Hermione was bending over at the waist, trying to hold the book up and walk at the same time. Ron knew the book had to weigh as much as a small refrigerator. Ron walked up to Hermione quickly and grabbed the book out of her hands, closing it. Hermione stared at thin air before figuring out the book was gone. She blinked twice, then focused her eyes on Ron. Her smile was blinding.  
  
"Oh Ron, hello! I hope you're well this morning...that is, to say...I know you are probably well...ah...I was just wondering..." Hermione looked at the floor and blushed, obviously at a loss for something to say. Ron took pity on her.  
  
"I'm fine." He grinned at her and shifted the book in his arms, wishing he could just drop the thing. "Is this book really worth the backache, Hermione?"  
  
Her eyes widened in surprise, and he could see it in her eyes. She was going to go into a rant and rave.  
"Oh, YES! It's wonderful! You know, K. J. Lowring laid out some clues that Don and Slimy would be getting together, but so far it's been disappointing! You see, they are my favorite characters! They are just destined to be together, I know it! I mean, come on! Don and Slimy are always fighting, constantly, and they have all this energy between them, and when Slimy went to the Prom with that guy, Ickter Dumb, Don was so unbelievably jealous! Now in this book, Don has become the goalie for the soccer team at their high school, Log Courts, and it's just so marvelous! They are both hall monitors now, and although Larry isn't, I believe it has something to do -"  
  
Ron was howling in pain. While listening intently to Hermione's speech, he had forgotten the heavy book he was holding and had promptly dropped it on his foot. Angry at the stupid thing, he kicked the book as far as he could with his good foot, then howled even louder, dancing from leg to leg, trying to soothe the pain. Hermione stood shocked, unsure of what to do. She stared at Ron in horror before taking out her wand and exclaiming, "Painlies Toetalis!"  
  
Instantly, Ron felt the pain melt away and he was left with a wonderful tingling sensation. He sighed in relief, then hugged his angel tight. "Thanks Hermione. You're a lifesaver." Hermione pushed at his chest, looking sheepish. She smiled guiltily at him before picking up her Larry Water book, grunting. Ron noticed that a piece of paper had fallen out when he kicked it, and was about to reach for it when Hermione snatched it up. She glanced once more at Ron, bid him a hasty farewell, and scurried off down the hallway. Ron scratched his head in amusement. That girl was quite a nutter sometimes. What was a prom? He shrugged, then hurried off to join Harry at the Gryffindor table.  
  
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Ron practically dove into his bacon and eggs, grabbing as much food as he possibly could. He had not eaten well the day before, as he had spent most of the time staring at Hermione and thinking about the upcoming lesson. But Ron was a growing boy, and he knew growing boys needed massive amounts of food, so he continued stuffing his face hungrily. Harry just stared at him in awe, his fork rolling a sausage around on his plate. He then smiled in an evil way before pointing his fork at Ron and saying quietly, "Quidditch practice?"  
  
Ron stopped eating long enough to remember what Harry had said the day before and nodded quickly. "Quidditch practice." He speared Harry's sausage with his knife and shoved the whole thing in his mouth, trying to ignore Harry's look of shock. He closed his eyes and thought dreamily of Hermione, naked, with a plate of sausages in her hands. "Here Ronnie..." she said with a seductive smile, "I made them just for you. It tells how to make them on page eighty-three of 'Hogwarts: A History.' Have some of my sausages, Ronnie..." Hermione had just leaned forward to feed him a sausage when he was jerked back to reality by a rather large, heavy bag falling into his lap. He doubled over in pain before glaring at Seamus, who was standing to his right, a smug look on his face.  
  
"There you go, Ron! 100 galleons, all yours. You won the bet."  
  
Ron froze and stared at the bag. How could Seamus possibly know about him and Hermione? He had placed a silencing spell over his room the night before and he hadn't spoken a word. Seamus had to have been lying to get him to tell. He removed the bag from his lap and tried to hand it back to Seamus, who looked confused. "No, I didn't Seamus. I told you yesterday...I lost."  
  
Seamus rolled his eyes at Ron, taking the money and placing it on Ron's plate. Ron frowned. He had been planning to eat those muffins.  
  
"That's funny Weasley, seeing as how Hermione just came to see me and told me that she had sex with you last night. Come on mate, take the money! You earned it! The wench admitted it to me!"  
  
Ron stared at Seamus, shocked to the tips of his toes. Hermione had told Seamus about last night? Why? That didn't make any sense at all.  
  
"I don't believe you, Seamus. Hermione and I never did any such thing." He turned to look at Harry, who's eyebrows were nearly disappearing beneath his hair. Ron threw the bag off his plate and continued to eat, ignoring the looks he was receiving.  
  
He heard Seamus yell out, "Oi! Hermione! Come here for a moment, will you?" Ron's eyes nearly popped out of his head. Hermione had been standing at the entrance of the great hall, staring at him. She walked briskly toward where they were sitting and stood behind Harry, avoiding Ron's gaze.  
  
"Yes, Seamus?" She smiled nervously, her eyes darting to Ginny, who was shaking her head vigorously.  
  
"Hermione. Did you, or did you not just come to me and tell me that you had a tumble in the hay with Ronald Weasley last night?" Ron held his breath. If Hermione didn't know about the bet, she was sure to find out now. He felt the end nearing.  
  
Hermione paused, nodding at Ginny before stating, "Yes. I did."  
  
There was a collective gasp. Ron closed his eyes and wished he were back in his bed. Seamus hadn't been lying. Hermione had told him about their love making. Suddenly he heard cheering and felt his back being smacked. Someone exclaimed, "You lucky git!" while others congratulated him with bawdy comments. He took a deep breath, opening his eyes to look at Hermione. She was gone. His eyes searched the great hall for her, but she had vanished from sight. She had told. She had told SEAMUS. Ron frowned. WHY had she told Seamus? It didn't make sense. She didn't seem the type to just go blabbing to her friends about something so private, let alone Seamus. No, the only way Hermione would have gone to Seamus was if she had known about the bet, and about him losing. She had gone to save him. She had sacrificed herself so that he could avoid embarrassment. Ron ran a trembling hand through his hair. But how had she found out about the bet? Ron looked around the table, searching for answers. Someone had told her, that's how. He looked at Harry. No, Harry would never have told Hermione. Maybe Dean? No, he would have enjoyed seeing Ron lose. Ron glanced at everyone, his eyes coming to a stop on Neville.  
  
Neville, who just couldn't seem to meet Ron's sight, looked very embarrassed. He was a bit red in the face and was smiling weakly at Dean, who was singing a very nasty version of "Weasley is Our King." "Neville." Ron practically growled.  
  
Neville must have jumped five feet in his seat. He looked at Ron, his eyes fearful. "Y-y-yes?" His eyes darted back between Seamus and Ron, almost begging someone to save him. Ron glowered.  
  
"You told Hermione about the bet, didn't you?"  
  
Neville looked ready to cry. "Well, I...uh...yes. It was me. I didn't want Hermione to get hurt...she's such a nice person and what you were planning to do to her was horrible."  
  
"Oh, I'd say she enjoyed it, wouldn't you Ron?" Seamus laughed heartily, slapping him on the back.  
  
Ron continued to glare at Neville. "Shut up, Seamus." He muttered quietly.  
  
Seamus laughed again. "Shut up? Whatever for Ron? Now is a time for celebrating! You've bedded every girl in Gryffindor, and you should be commended! After all, getting a prude like Granger into the sack isn't an easy job! What did you do, leave her over a fire for a while, let her melt a bit?"  
  
"Shut UP, Seamus..." Ron had started to shake with rage.  
  
Everyone was laughing at what Seamus had said. "Or maybe he just used some of the old Weasley fire on her! He doesn't have red hair for nothing now, does he? Perhaps he let her read a book while she was under him, hmm? Quoting Lockhart when he thrust his magic wand into her sheath! The Ice Queen probably didn't feel a bloody thing-"  
  
"I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP, SEAMUS!" Ron jumped to his feet, standing over Seamus with a murderous look in his eyes. Seamus cowered.  
  
"What? I'm just saying that the bitch has no feelings, that's all-"  
  
But Seamus never finished. Ron had grabbed him by the throat and was slowly lifting him off the ground. The whole hall had become totally quiet. Ron continued elevating him until they were seeing eye to eye. "Never...call...Hermione...a bitch." Ron hissed. He threw Seamus onto the floor and walked toward the entrance way.  
  
Dean helped Seamus to his feet. He choked a little bit before sputtering and yelling, "Fine! Run to your little prude! At least I won't ever have the embarrassment of everyone knowing I fuck Hermione Granger! You're the laughing stock of the entire school!"  
  
Ron turned around near the archway and gave Seamus a pointed look. "At least I won't ever have the embarrassment of everyone knowing I fuck Draco Malfoy."  
  
Seamus turned bright red as the whole of the room gasped. Ron smirked. Seamus's little secret was out. Everyone started laughing, pointing at the tomato red Seamus, who looked torn between crying and killing Ron. Ron turned toward the doorway once more, hearing Draco shout, "Oh hunny, don't be ashamed! You KNOW it's good!" Ron chuckled to himself as he left the hall. Seamus should really learn not to leave his journal out. Harry had found it one night and they had laughed themselves silly. Those sort of secrets came in handy.  
  
Ron turned his mind back to Hermione and the problem at hand. He headed towards the Gryffindor tower, suddenly eager to have a little talk with miss Granger.  
  
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AN: See, TOLD you it was short. lol I will try to put the next chapter up ASAP...we have a new manager at my job, so it might not be for a couple days, but it won't be long! :) 


	7. Misunderstood

Disclaimer: The great J. K. Rowling owns all...I own nothing. :) I get no money from this...just fun!  
  
AN: Yay! It took me three days to write this because the electricity kept going out. GRR! Good thing I save a lot. lol We've been having really bad storms here in Ohio, so forgive me, please. lol Anyway, this is again, shorter, and a bit on the serious side once more. :) Oh vell! Zat iz ze vey ze ball iz volling! The story writed itself. LOL Anyway, here you are! Enjoy! Oh, and for the men...please pardon my feministic views. lol And the men insults are dedicated to my friend Dan. *evil grin*  
  
Chapter Seven: Misunderstood  
  
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Hermione wasn't in the Gryffindor common room. Ron frowned deeply before taking a seat on the couch before the fire. He was happy that she wasn't there, as he needed to think about what had just happened before attempting any kind of conversation with her. Ron closed his eyes and sighed. For some odd reason, he felt betrayed by Hermione telling Seamus about their love making. He had wanted to keep it private from everyone, their own little secret, and now the entire school knew. Try as he might to remind himself that she did it to save him, Ron just couldn't keep from feeling hurt  
  
Ron thought back to the bet once again. If Hermione had known about the bet all along, why had she gone along with the lessons? Why had she made love to him last night? Why hadn't she told him she knew? The answer came abrubtly, souring in his stomach.  
  
Because she wanted to get even with him.  
  
Ron laid his head in his hands. So it was all a lie, all just some big joke. She had learned about the bet and decided to punish him by seducing him, giving him what he wanted, and then taking it away. How cruel. How inhumane.  
  
So she really didn't care about him. She had just given him her body the previous night like some kind of whore, in the name of revenge. No wonder she had laughed when he told her he loved her. The pain was deafening. He had thought that he would finally be happy, that all his dreams were coming true. Now his dreams were crashing down on top of him and he felt he couldn't breathe. Hermione didn't love him. No, she was the Ice Queen. How would she know how to love? Ron's pain evolved into anger and a great fire burned in his heart. He stared at the fireplace, his face screwed up in anger. He was going to show Miss Granger that his love wasn't to be taken for granted. She couldn't just play around with his feelings like that.  
  
Ron stood up slowly, contimplating exactly what he wanted to say before stomping off to Hermione's room, his teeth bared. She was either there or in the Library, and for her sake, it had best not be the latter. As he reached her door, he raised his large fist and pounded it three times, knocking as loudly as he possibly could. There was a moment's pause before Hermione called out, "It's open Ron."  
  
He slammed the door open and stared around the room. The minx would probably be hiding, trying to confuse him. But there was no confusing such a wise, powerful man such as Ronald Weasley. She was probably hiding in the large closet to his left! Ron hurled himself across the room, throwing open the closet door. He threw item after item , searching for the wench he knew was hiding like a coward. As he reached the bottom, he realized that beneath the pile of clothes, there was no Hermione. Maybe she was under the large pile of silk panties that lay in the corner! Ron tore through them, snarling like a wild animal, nearing foaming at the mouth and yet, when the floor became visable once more, there was no Hermione. She couldn't hide forever! Perhaps she was hiding beheath that large, fluffy, pink blanket! He reached for it, yanking it high above his head and yelling, "AH HA!" But still, there was no Hermione. Ron was fraustrated.  
  
"Do you always get that excited over women's panties?"  
  
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Hermione stared at Ron from her seat on the bed. She had been sitting there when he had thrown the door open, breathing hard and looking ready to kill. She had continued to sit on the bed as he searched her closet, throwing her neatly organized clothing all over the place. She still sat there, in fact. He had never even glanced at her before making his way across the room, searching for an unknown item in her seemingly bottomless closet. She was a tad bit confused, to say the least. Now Ron sat on his knees in her closet, a pair of her favorite bright orange panties situated on his head like a hat, her pink comforter wrapped around him. He gazed up at her in wonder, never looking more like an innocent, little boy. She smiled sweetly, unable to stop herself from thinking about what beautiful babies he would make. She just hoped they were hers as well.  
  
She had known this would come. Ron would probably be a wee bit mad at her because she had not told him she knew about the bet. She had expected it. It was only natural, as he was a man, and men were irrational, as all women know. She had not, however, been expecting this wild man to come barging into her room. His eyes were strange. She had never seen a darker blue, and they were full of fire and rage. What in the world was he so angry about? She had done nothing to deserve such anger, and was sure that if Ron only listened to reason, they would get past this episode of needless drama.  
  
Of course, they was one tiny thing Hermione forgot.  
  
Men don't listen to reason.  
  
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Somehow, Hermione had eluded him in the closet, sneaking past him to sit on the bed. Surely she had not been sitting there the entire time! Ron stared up at her, suddenly realizing how strange he must look. Here he was, a grown man with a pair of panties on his head, and a blanket wrapped around him like a cape. She smiled. Was she laughing at him? How dare she! Ron threw the comforter from his body, swiping the panties off his head. "You can stop laughing now! We need to talk."  
  
He stood up and made his way toward her bed, stalking like a panther. She raised one eyebrow as she watched him, then carefully closed the book in her lap, laying it aside. "And what exactly do you want to talk about Ron?"  
  
He laughed menicinly. "What, no 'Mr. Weasley?' Why such informality now, your Highness?"  
  
She had a puzzled look on her face. "Your highness? What in the world are you talking about?"  
  
"I'm addressing you properly, your Majesty. After all, you are the Ice Queen." He watched for any sign that his words were affecting her. Her brown eyes narrowed slightly, but she was the perfect picture of calm. He leaned against her bed post and crossed his arms, continuing. "It's a pity that such beauty is wasted on such a cruel soul. I would never of thought it possible of you, Hermione, but the way you played me just proves all the more that you aren't as sweet as you seem. I wondered why you came to me last night, all pretty and perfect and willing...now I know. It's pathetic."  
  
She had no reaction. She sat stiffly, her nose lifted in the air like true royalty. She was very good at masking her feelings, he realized. She finally spoke, a quiet anger in her voice that betrayed her calm appearence. "You had better explain, Mr. Weasley."  
  
Ron smiled slightly, wanting to taunt her for the pain he was feeling. "You've known about the bet all along. Neville just confessed that he told you, don't deny it. So why did you keep teaching me and why did you give yourself to me?" Ron acted like he was pondering this for a moment, then stared into her face. "Because you wanted revenge." Hermione's eyes lowered slightly and any shadow of a doubt Ron had of her innocence washed away. "So it all meant nothing. The kiss, my words, last night. It was nothing to you but a means of using me. And that is EXACTLY what you did, you USED me. It makes me sick to think about it. There I was, pouring my poor, little heart out to you, telling you I LOVED you, for god's sake, and you were laughing all along. You, Hermione Granger, are the worst kind of person. You're -"  
  
"A player?" Hermione stood suddenly, staring him down. She crossed the short distance between them, biting out her words. "Someone who uses someone else? So wouldn't that make me a lot like YOU, Ron?" Ron's eyes grew large in surprise. He hadn't been expecting this. Her eyes were glittering with anger, her mouth set in a stiff line. She leaned forward until they were as close as possible. "I remember all the things you've done with other girls, Ron. I remember the fact that you've bedded every girl in Gryffindor, and then tossed them all away, exposing their feelings and personal moments to your friends. You use women for your own pleasure, or whatever you get from sleeping with them, and then leave them to cry in the morning. Why would it be different for me? Talk about a bloody double standard! Because you believe that I used you once, I'm a slut, some kind of whore! But since you're a man and therefore superior to me in some way, you banging about 50 girls is alright? In fact, it's made you a star! You're a legend! Ronald "The Sex King" Weasley, isn't it? Well, I think it's more like Ronald "The Chauvanistic Pig" Weasley, and so do most the girls in Hogwarts. DO NOT berate ME for using someone when you've done it every day of your miserable life!"  
  
Hermione spun on her heel and grabbed her Larry Water book, walking toward the door. She stopped and turned toward Ron, fury burning on her face. "And another thing, Mr. Weasley. I NEVER used you. I came to you willing last night because I knew you lost the bet, and I didn't want to see you suffer. Yes, I wanted revenge because you made me angry. You were going to try to use me like some piece of meat, then humiliate me in front of everyone. I wanted revenge, but I would never go as far as to hurt you to seek it. I am not some pathetic no brained bimbo. I am a educated, intellegent young woman, and I don't hurt people for the fun of it! Haven't you figured out yet why I called off the lessons? Because I knew it was going too far, and that I was getting too close. Revenge isn't worth the destruction of my heart, nor yours." She turned back toward the door, turning the handle. Ron's breathing was shallow. He didn't know what to say. He stared at her bed, listening to the door click shut behind him. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He had been wrong, so very wrong. He should have known she would never use him, but he was still hurt. He had wanted her to come to him because she cared for him, not just wanting to save him from losing the bet. Here he was, in love for the first time in his young life, and the woman he cared for did not return his feelings. Ron's heart felt tight.  
  
As he turned to leave, he saw a small piece of paper on the floor near her bed. He bent over to retrive it. It was the same piece of parchment that had fallen out of her Larry Water book that morning. Ron hestitated before opening it, his eyes scanning the words written upon it. His mouth fell open, his eyes large. "Oh my god..." He stuffed the parchment into his pocket before running from Hermione's room, urgent to find her and correct the mistake he had made.  
  
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	8. Writings on the Wall

Disclaimer: The great J. K. Rowling owns all...I own nothing. :) I get no money from this...just fun!  
  
AN: Hey everyone! Here is yet another chapter, but not the last! :) I hope you like this one. There will be more coming soon, as soon as I can find time to write! lol Anyway, here's chapter 8!  
  
Chapter Eight: Writings on the Wall  
  
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Ron ran down the school hallways, desperate to find Hermione. He rushed into the library, apologizing briefly to the first year he pushed over, and ran toward the shelves of books. He searched every isle, every table, but there was no sign of his bushy haired love. He ran toward the entrance, once again knocking over the poor first year Hufflepuff. The boy yelled, "Hey!" and Ron stopped, turning to look at him.  
  
"She was heading that way." The boy pointed toward the Gryffindor common room from his position on the ground.  
  
"Oh...uh...thanks." Ron mumbled. He sped off to the common room. He yelled "Fantasia Fantastica!" at the fat lady, who was taking her afternoon tea.  
  
"I say, dear, in a hurry?" the fat lady took her sweet time opening the door, watching Ron dance from foot to foot. He snarled at her.  
  
"Come on woman, get your big ass out of the way!" The fat lady looked outraged as Ron ran into the tower, ignoring the stream of curse words that spewed forth from her painted lips. His eyes searched the common room, but Hermione was no where to be seen. "Dammit." He muttered. There was no one using the common room, and all was quiet, but for one voice yelling in the distance. Ron's eyes narrowed as he tried to identify the sound. He walked closer to the boy's dormitory stairs and listened intently. He heard a deep voice yelling, "Who's your daddy, bitch? Say my name!"  
  
  
  
There was the sound of a whip cracking, then another voice squealing, "Ginny! Your name is Ginny!"  
  
The other voice spoke again, "That's right. Now, on your knees, Harry. I'm going to teach you a lesson." Ron heard the whip snap again, and Harry screaming. Whether in pleasure or pain, Ron didn't want to know. Harry's Quidditch practice was a pain in the ass, indeed. He gagged, then ran away from the stairs, continuing his search for Hermione. As Ron made his way to the door again, it swung open, revealing Neville. Neville was mumbling to himself, but as his eyes focused on Ron, they grew wide and he shook in fright.   
  
Ron rolled his eyes. "Neville, have you seen Hermione? I can't find her anywhere."   
  
Neville calmed noticeably, then thought for a moment. "I think I just saw her heading outside. I'm not sure it was her, but the person was carrying a rather large book, and was having trouble standing up straight."  
  
Ron nodded, then hurried forward, patting Neville on the shoulder. "Thanks man." He heard Neville sigh in relief as the fat lady closed.   
  
"Wait! You little bugger! Come back here! I'll show YOU a big ass!" Ron glanced back at the fat lady. She had turned around and begun to remove her lace petticoats. He screamed, then ran faster. He passed the first year Hufflepuff, then skidded to a stop and faced the boy, who had a bewildered look on his young face.  
  
"Why did you tell me Hermione was heading toward the Gryffindor tower?"  
  
The boy looked confused. "Hermione? I thought you were looking for your sister. She was carrying a copy of 'Whips and Chains for Dummies.' Wonder what she plans to do with that?" Ron didn't want to think about it, so he thanked the boy and continued on his way. He ran outside, his eyes searching Hermione out. He finally saw her under a tree by the lake, her head bent over her book. He ran toward her, thankful that all his Quidditch training had put him in such good shape. He slowed to a walk as he reached her, pulling the paper from his pocket.   
  
"Is this true?"  
  
Hermione looked up from her book, shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand. "Is what true?" She asked as she frowned at him. He waved the piece of paper at her, his face serious. He sat down beside her and let her see what he held. She closed her eyes and groaned. "Leave me alone, Ron." She turned her face back to the lake, watching the golden sun's reflection dance on the water.  
  
Ron took her face in his hands and forced her to look at him. "Is it TRUE?"  
  
Hermione stared at him for a few moments before jerking out of his reach. She gingerly turned a page in her book, blatantly ignoring him.  
  
Ron was frustrated. He gazed at the piece of paper, his fingers touching the words. "Do you remember what this says, Hermione?" She kept reading her book, pretending she didn't hear him. He continued. "Let me tell you what it says." Ron read the note out loud.  
  
"'Ginny,  
  
You won't believe this. Your brother has got himself in an awful mess. Remember the bet I told you about? He lost. I was sitting inside a classroom when he was talking to Seamus, and I heard him say that he loves me, and he lost on purpose, to save my reputation. I can't believe that of your brother, but it's true. Isn't it crazy? I'm not sure what to do. Any suggestions? Love, Hermione'  
  
'Hermione,  
  
Well, what do you think you should do?' Love, Ginny  
  
  
  
'How should I know, Ginny? There's only one thing I can think of, but I'm not sure I can go through with it.'  
  
'And what is that?'  
  
'Sleep with him and then tell Seamus that we did it, therefore, allowing him to win. But is that the right thing to do?'  
  
'Hermione...I think it's a bad idea. 1.) Why would you want to sleep with my brother? and 2.) Why tell Seamus and ruin your reputation just for Ron? He deserves what he gets. He was going to sacrifice you for a stupid bet. Why do you care?'  
  
'...because I love Ron.'  
  
'EXCUSE ME!?'  
  
'I have for a long time! I know, it's stupid. Don't give me that face! People are gonna realize we are passing notes!'  
  
'Well, it's kind of gross. How could you love my brother?'  
  
'Because I don't see him as your brother. I see him as Ron.'  
  
'Well Hermione, either way, I think it's a bad idea, and you shouldn't do it. Just let Ron take the fall! Don't do this to yourself for a man! What happened to the feminist witch I know who doesn't believe in letting a man control what you do?'  
  
'I'm not letting a man control what I do! I am controlling this situation myself. If I want to sleep with Ron, then tell Seamus about it, I have every right. Besides, I want to be with Ron. I have for a long time.'  
  
'Ew.'  
  
'Don't 'ew' me. I'm not gonna beat him with whips and chains. Ha ha!'  
  
'HEY! Leave Harry and me out of this. Well Hermione, whatever you decide to do, I support you. Maybe one day, your name will be Hermione Weasley! We'll be sisters!'  
  
'Oh, wonderful! A dominatrix in the family!'  
  
'Shut! Oh, don't look now. Here comes Harry. Got to go. Bye!'"  
  
Ron finished reading and looked at the bottom of the note, where the words Mrs. Hermione Weasley were enchanted to flash in red and gold. He folded the note once more, tucking it away in his pocket. Hermione was silently staring at the lake again. He stared at her profile, thinking how lovely she looked bathed in sunlight. He finally spoke again. "Is it true? Do you really love me?"  
  
Hermione threw her hands in the air before turning to look at him. "Yes! Yes, I LOVE you! Are you happy now? I WANTED to have sex with you. I WANTED to have the lessons to be near you. I know I'm silly! Now, is that all? I've got a book to read."  
  
Ron grabbed the book from Hermione's lap and sat it out of reach. "Why didn't you just tell me that you loved me too? I told you I loved you when we went to make love! Why didn't you just say it?"  
  
"Because I didn't want to be like every other girl you've slept with. I've heard the stories Ron. They have all told you that they loved you, and got hurt in the end. I know you love me, but...I don't want to get hurt Ron. I want the time to be special when I tell you I love you. So pray forgive me that I didn't tell you before, but I'm not sure you deserve to know!"  
  
Ron took a deep breath, then released it, trying to relax himself. "So what are we going to do now?"  
  
Hermione shook her head at him. "We aren't going to do anything."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"You heard me right. What did you expect? That just because you know I love you, it makes up for all you've done? That we're just going to date and have sex, living happily ever after? You haven't even apologized! What am I supposed to think?"  
  
"Uh...I'm sorry?" Ron was confused. He didn't think it was going to end up like this.   
  
"Well, that's not good enough now, is it? You've really fudged things up Ron. I may love you, but I have to love myself as well, and I realize that maybe we aren't meant to be together. Now please Ron, leave." Ron started to object, but Hermione shook her head again. "Leave."  
  
Ron stood up and looked down at her for a few moments, his lower lip trembling. He turned and started to walk dejectedly back to the school, feeling regret for the first time in his life.  
  
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AN: Not the last chapter! Hee Hee! More to come! STAY TUNED! 


	9. Artistic Expressions

Disclaimer: The great J. K. Rowling owns all...I own nothing. :) I get no money from this...just fun! And before I forget(Eh!), the song is an eighties song called "I Just Died in Your Arms" by Cutting Crew. *grin*  
  
AN: OK, this is THE shortest chapter I have written, and I'm probably gonna get my butt kicked because of it, but the next chapter will probably be the last. See, I was going to make this chapter the last, but I figured, HEY! Why not just keep everyone in suspense?!?! But yes, the next chapter should be the last one. I'll try to make it longer! I hope you like this one, and it would have been posted sooner, had FF.net not been gone for like, four days. LOL :) This one is mainly silly, and if you don't like it, too bad! It's my story, I'll add my Ron fantasies if I want to! I MEAN...UM...FANTASIES!? NO! I DIDN'T MEAN FANTASIES! I MEAN...UH...HERMIONES! YEAH! Anyway! Enjoy, mon amies!  
  
Chapter Nine: Artistic Expressions  
  
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Almost immediately, Hermione started to regret what she had said. One would think that it was because she missed Ron, and was sorry that he was hurt by her words, but that certainly was not the case. No, Hermione didn't miss Ron one bit. He never gave her the chance.  
  
  
  
The next day was perfectly fine and dandy, a normal day as ever. Hermione got out of bed, brushed her teeth, ate her breakfast, went to her classes, and did her homework, like she did every day. She liked routine, and was not about to let a little thing like wanting to be with Ron and feeling unbearable heartbreak to the very tips of her toes until she wanted to crawl into a hole and die bother her! She was Hermione Granger, after all! Yes, the day was not particularly notable, and was all together boring, as usual.   
  
That is, until that afternoon. She was sitting outside under a large oak tree, reading chapter 450 of Larry Water and the Order of Phoenix Fries when she heard yelling. Looking up in disorientation, she tried to gather what was going on. Many students had been enjoying the lovely day outside, and Hermione noticed that the majority were now staring up at the astronomy tower in amusement and shock. Her eyes focused on a lone man standing on the balcony, shouting at the top of his lungs for everyone's attention. A shock of red hair stood out, and Hermione murmured "Oh no..." as she realized the loud fellow was none other than Ronald Weasley.  
  
"EVERYBODY LISTEN!" Ron yelled as he jumped up and down, waving his arms around like a mad man. As soon as he had everyone's attention, he yelled, "I, RONALD ARTHUR WEASLEY, LOVE HERMIONE GRANGER! SHE IS THE ONLY GIRL FOR ME AND I WILL LOVE HER UNTIL THE DAY I DIE! HERMIONE! FORGIVE ME BABY! I'M SORRY!"  
  
Everyone had turned to stare at Hermione, who felt as though her entire face was on fire. She giggled nervously, then flashed Ron a dirty look, slamming her book shut and running across the lawn. She turned her face toward her shoes, wishing everyone would stop staring at her. She had never been quite as embarrassed as she was at that moment. Now everyone knew that they were having issues!  
  
Later that night at dinner, Hermione had her nose stuck in a book once again. She was eating a bit of treacle tart when she heard very loud music. The entire hall became quiet. She peered over the top of her book cautiously, trying to discern what was happening without looking interested. The music sounded like an eighties muggle song that she had once heard, but she couldn't see just what was making it. It was then that she noticed that the entire hall was staring at her. Harry's eyes were wide, his mouth hanging open. Ginny was bright red and looked ready to explode with laughter. Hermione tried to ignore everyone, placing the book in front of her face. She had closed her eyes and was praying that the music had nothing to do with her when she felt someone jump onto the table she was sitting at. She dropped the book in her lap, staring up at the figure.  
  
Ron was standing in the middle of the table facing her. He was wearing a faded pair of blue jeans and a hot pink shirt that was clearly made for a woman. It was obviously too tight for him and showed off his mid drift, baring his six pack for all to see. It clashed horribly with the orange high top sneakers he was wearing, and the gold earring in his left ear. He wore a black baseball cap covering his red hair, its bill pointed the wrong way. He had his eyes closed and looked to be lost in the music, nodding his head to the beat. Hermione looked around desperately for a savior, but there were none to be found. Even the teachers weren't helping her. They looked to be in a state of shock, all but for Dumbledore, who was tapping his fingers on the table in time with the music, a large grin on his face.  
  
Ron lifted a microphone to his lips, his eyes opening to stare at Hermione, his hand thrusting out to point at her as he roughly sang, "Oh, I! I just died in your arms tonight! It must have been something you said. I just died in your arms tonight!" Hermione cringed. Tone deaf and desperate was not a good combination for singing. He danced around the table, shaking his bum to the music, a large, innocent smile displayed on his face. He continued singing to Hermione. "I keep looking for something I can't get. Broken hearts lie all around me, and I don't see an easy way to get out of this. Her diary, it sits on the bedside table. The curtains are closed, the cats in the cradle. Who would've thought that a boy like me could come to this? Oh, I! I just died in your arms tonight! It must have been something you said. I just died in your arms tonight!"  
  
Ron fell to his knees before her on the table, singing to her with all his might. "It was a long hot night...she made it easy, she made it feel right. But now it's over, the moment has gone. I followed my hands, not my head, I know I was wrong. Oh I, I just died in your arms..." Ron trailed off as Hermione stood, glaring at him. If looks could kill, he would have been dead, buried, and rotting by now. He stared at her in fascination, wondering if she knew that her right eye twitched when she got angry.  
  
Hermione stuttered a bit before yelling, "You're going to die, Ronald Weasley, but it won't be in MY arms!" She heaved her heavy Larry Water book at him, causing him to fall backwards as he caught it. He landed in Harry's peas and mashed potatoes before rolling onto the floor, the wind knocked out of him. He watched as Hermione huffed and puffed her way out of the hall, people pointing and laughing at her.  
  
Ron tried to cry out, "Hermione! Wait!" but found that he couldn't speak with the large tome on his chest. He shoved it off of him, letting Harry help him up.   
  
Harry shook his head. "What were you thinking, Ron? You embarrassed her, AND yourself! And," Harry looked him up and down before adding, "pink just is NOT your color, mate. You should try some subtle greens, maybe some nice earth tones..."  
  
Ron pushed Harry away from him before grabbing Hermione's book and stomping after her. Draco stepped into his way. "Oh my LORD Weasley, praise Merlin! You've finally changed your mind about jumping the fence, and boy, did you do it with style! Come on hunny, let's go back to my tower so I can take YOUR tower and - HEY!"  
  
Ron shoved Draco as hard as he could, sending him plummeting into Crabbe and Goyle, who fell down and rolled around like bowling pins. It was a satisfying sight. Ron smirked and muttered, "Strike." before peeling the gold stick-on earring off his ear and throwing it aside. He spoke the spell to end the music, trying to think of what he could do to prove to Hermione he was sincere. Obviously she hadn't appreciated his artistic way of expressing his feelings, so he would have to think of something much grander next time. His eyes lit up as he realized what he had to do. He ran back to Harry, hoping that this time, he would win Hermione's heart for good. 


	10. In Pursuit of Mr Weasley

Disclaimer: The great J. K. Rowling owns all...I own nothing. :) I get no money from this...just fun!  
  
AN: *cries like a baby* IPOMG is finally finished! I'm kinda sad it's ending, but it means I will be starting my new story, which is gonna be cool. :) Please Katie, keep my secret! Anyway, let me see...there is a MAJOR OOTP SPOILER below...I actually tell who dies, so if you don't know, don't wanna know, don't read paragraphs 14,41, or 42. Don't blame me if you read it!! It's your choice to read this, I didn't force ya! LOL Hmm...I have to dedicate the sex scene to Brittney, because she wanted one bad. Thanks to Stefanie, who wrote me the sweetest e-mail! :) Thanks sweetie!! The song below is called "Made For You", and yes, I did write it, so please don't use it without my permission(as if you wanted to, eh? LOL). If you want to know how the song goes, I have a wave of it on my website, so here is the URL to listen: {{Http://www.geocities.com/MoonlightDiva1981/made1.mp3}} Let's see how many people know what MacGyver is. LOL Oh, and Barney belongs to whatever company that owns him, blah blah blah I wish I could kick that stupid thing...Oh, you're still here, righto...Sorry. Anyway...I really hope you guys liked this story. Laughter(and da warm fuzzies!) is the best medicine, so hopefully if you are down, or going through a bad time, this will help you feel a little bit better. :) It's been great writing this story...look for my next one, which will be even stupider, and sillier. LOL I'm gonna start writing it very soon. Now without further ado, Here is the last chapter of "In Pursuit of Miss Granger."  
  
Chapter Ten: In Pursuit of Mr. Weasley  
  
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Hermione threw herself onto her bed and screamed into her pillow. Ron was such an idiot sometimes! First he yelled that he loved her to all the Hogwart's ground, and now he had embarrassed her in front of the teachers, the students, and her friends! How much more could a girl take? It was obvious that Ron wouldn't give up on her no matter how much she protested, but something inside her still wanted to be compensated for the damage he had caused. The boy was like a one legged man in a butt kicking contest! To her horror, she started to dream up other embarrassing things he would do to her. He would beg her to forgive him night and day, never letting her have any sleep. He would tie a banner on his broom stick that stated his feelings and ride around with it during Quidditch matches. He would start to follow her to her classes, the bathroom, even -- she shivered as she gave it thought -- the library. She would never know any peace!  
  
There was a loud knock on her door. She removed her face from the pillow long enough to yell "WHAT!?" before resuming her pity party. Praying that it wasn't Ron, she laid her face back down in the pillow, wondering how long it would take to smother herself to death. No, it was better to live, she supposed. Ron would probably find her in death and produce a choreographed Broadway number in front of Saint Peter, complete with dancing walruses and exploding fireworks from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, compliments of his loving brothers, Fred and George.  
  
She groaned slightly as she heard the door open. "Hermione? Are you alright?" Hermione sighed in relief. It was only Ginny. She rolled onto her back, hugging the pillow to her chest.  
  
"Yes, Ginny, I'm alright. A tad embarrassed, but other than that, just peachy."  
  
She felt Ginny sit down on her bed as she continued to stare at her ceiling. Ginny cleared her throat, waiting a moment before stating, "Ron loves you."  
  
Hermione threw her hands up, "No, really? Hadn't noticed. Wait. Do you suppose THAT was what he was trying to say when he created that embarrassing display in the great hall? What a silly girl I am not to notice! Ron LOVES me! Oh, what a joyous day indeed, for-"  
  
"Oh, bugger off Hermione!" Ginny laughed loudly, shaking her head. "Enough sarcasm for today. I was just a bit shocked, that's all. You told me he said so to Seamus, but I figured it was all just a load. What he did downstairs just proves he really wants to be with you."  
  
"Ginny, did you come here to lecture me? I know he wants to be with me, but really, he's a bit of a prat! He thinks that if he makes it so everything is out in the open, everything is out for everyone else to see, that I'll just run back and say, 'Oh Ron! Now that the entire school knows you love me and you've made a fool out of us both, I'm yours forever!' It doesn't work that way. I deserve respect, and if he respects me, at least he could have the decency to do all this in private. I don't like my feelings to be on display." She sat up and stared at Ginny, who was nodding fiercely. "I'm not sure where to go with this. I love him, he loves me, we should be happy! But no. He HAD to make a bet to bed me. He HAD to throw a fit and insult me when he found out I knew. It's all ridiculous!"  
  
"If he had never made that bet, you would never have known each others feelings, Hermione. You would never have known he loves you as well." Ginny pointed out.  
  
Hermione chewed her lip as she thought about what Ginny had said. That had never crossed her mind before. If Ron had never made that bet with Seamus, she would not have had the time she had spent with him, or the chance to ever get to know him. In one way, the bet was for good. She smiled slightly as she thought of Ron in that silly outfit, singing his heart out for her. It WAS a bit cute. Hermione shook her head, trying to rid herself of those thoughts. It was not cute! He had made her a fool! A scowl replaced Hermione's smile as she continued to think about what he had done. Ginny sighed.  
  
"Hermione, I can't tell you what to do, but take it from me. True love only comes once. If I had walked away from Harry the first time he ever did something stupid, I wouldn't be as happy as I am today. And I am VERY happy." Ginny smiled blissfully at Hermione. She handed Hermione her copy of Larry Water, thankful not to be holding it anymore. "You forgot this downstairs and Ron said you would miss it, so he sent me to bring it to you. Did you find out what happens in the end yet?"  
  
"No, I am about one chapter away from finding out who dies, but-"  
  
She was cut short by an owl flying through her window. It dropped a single piece of parchment into her lap before fluttering off, eager to make its way back to the owlery. Hermione frowned at the piece of paper as she picked it up, reading the name written across the middle.  
  
Mysterious Slack.  
  
"OH BUGGER!" Hermione screamed. "I'm going to KILL Dean Thomas!"  
  
"What? What does that mean?" Ginny scanned the piece of paper, trying to figure out why someone was sending Hermione notes about trousers.  
  
Hermione looked ready to explode. "Dean found out who dies and he's been looking for a way to ruin it for me all week! Mysterious Slack! Larry's godfather! Oh, it's not FAIR! He ruined the entire thing! WAIT till I see him, I'm going to MURDER that boy!"  
  
Ginny looked shocked. "What a horrible thing to do to someone! If I were you, I'd tie him naked to the whomping willow with some masking tape and a banana, then take a thin switch and whip him until he screams for mercy!" Ginny shivered in delight. "Then, you can take the banana, a galleon, a glass of water, some ducktape, a bottle of lotion, and some wire and-"  
  
"For goodness sakes Ginny, this isn't Macgyver!" Hermione ran her hands through her busy hair, her fingers getting tangled.  
  
Ginny looked confused. "What's...MaGaver?"  
  
Hermione waved a hand. "It's nothing, don't worry about it. Anyway, I'll get Dean back sometime. He'll pay for ruining the story for me, you just watch." She laughed gleefully, rubbing her hands together.   
  
Ginny nodded before standing and saying, "Well, it's been fun, but I've got to find Harry and go for some more Quidditch practice. I think today we'll work with the quaffle, if you catch my meaning." She wagged her eyebrows.  
  
Hermione stared at Ginny in innocence. "I guess so. It's the large red ball, right? The keeper catches it, the chasers throw it, the..." Ginny was laughing at her.  
  
"Too much time in books, Hermione. I guess I'll catch you later. Let me know what happens later in the book." Ginny smiled broadly, taking her leave.  
  
Hermione sighed, placing the pillow beneath her head. A few hours rest was just what she needed to feel refreshed and ready for the battle that lay ahead.  
  
~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~  
  
"Oh Ron," Hermione moaned, "don't stop. Don't ever stop." She pulled his face down to kiss him, her teeth tugging on his bottom lip, hoping to gain entrance. His hands roved over her body, teasing her to the point of madness as he thrust inside her. As his fingers caressed her breasts, she threw her head back, gasping for air. The feeling of Ron inside her was overwhelming. She was balancing on the edge, eagerly awaiting the euphoria that was swiftly rising up to meet her. She was frantic for more, raising her hips off the bed to match his rhythm. "Faster, Ron." She gasped. "Harder. I want all of you in me NOW." As he pounded in her relentlessly, her pleasure increased until she felt an explosion, her screams filling the cool night air. She closed her eyes, letting the waves crash over her until her body was totally satisfied and relaxed. "Wow." She whispered, opening her eyes to gaze at his face. "Ron, that was-"  
  
But the face that hovered above hers wasn't the dear, loving face of her Ron. She gasped in horror as she looked into the cold, lifeless eyes of Viktor Krum. "Hello Herm-own-ninny! How are you? I vas just in the neighborhood and I vas thinking that I never had a chance to take you for a ride on my broomstick, so here I am! Did you enjoy my broomstick, Herm-own-ninny? Ve can be together forever! Ve vill have many little Viktors, make own Quidditch team! You vill be having babies every year, yes? I vill keep you barefoot and pregnant, and ve vill be very happy together, with no Ron to cause problems! And you vill be silent and obey me and make me happy. Ve vill be family!"  
  
Hermione pushed Viktor away from her, scrambling to pull the sheet over her naked body. "How in the hell did you get in here, Viktor?!"  
  
"Oh, that is easy. She let me in!" Viktor pointed to Hermione's left, where Professor McGonagall was sitting in a chair, taking notes.  
  
"Professor! Oh!" The blood drained from her face as her teacher stared at her from over her glasses. "What...er...how long have you been here?"  
  
Professor McGonagall wrote something else on her piece of parchment before looking up at Hermione. "Well, Miss Granger, I do believe that Gryffindor has just earned 150 house points, and you will receive top marks for this assignment. I will use what I learned here today to demonstrate sexual education to my students in class on Monday with Professor Snape. I'll make sure to let everyone know it was you and Mr. Krum who taught me everything I know! Oh, I do love good education! Well now, must be off. Got to practice throwing the quaffle with Professor Dumbledore. He's got to practice getting it through the hoops! I'll just take my banana and go." Hermione watched as Viktor reached under their sheets and produced a bright blue banana, handing it to Professor McGonagall, who disappeared instantly.  
  
Krum took Hermione's hand in his. "Now, ver was I? Oh yes. I love you. You love me. Ve'll be happy family vith a great big hug, and a kiss from me to you! Von't you say you love me too?"  
  
Hermione shook her head, trying to clear the confusion that was raging in her mind. "What? What in the hell are you talking about?" She screamed as Viktor's head transformed into the head of a large purple dinosaur.   
  
"What shall we play today? I know! Let's sing a song about feelings! Hurray! Sharing is caring, and caring is sharing! You should always share your toys! It's good for little girls and boys! Want to touch MY toy, Hermione?"   
  
"NOOOOOO!" Hermione shrieked, "LEAVE ME ALONE!" She crawled backwards on her bed as the dinosaur advanced, his large purple arms open wide.  
  
"Let me share my toy with you, Hermione! Sharing is caring!"  
  
Hermione felt under her pillow for her wand, pulling it out and pointing it at Viktor. "PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!" she shouted. She groaned as she realized that her wand was nothing but a large hot pink banana. She screamed, then threw it aside, watching Viktor advance. She was trapped! She pressed her back against the headboard, squeezing her eyes shut. There was nothing left to do but fight him with her fists. As she raised one of her hands in the air, prepared to strike, she heard the dinosaur scream, then fall with a sickening thud. She opened one eye, then gasped. Standing before her bed was a teenage boy, enveloped by a silver, shimmering light. His dark hair was combed neatly, his square shaped glasses perched perfectly on his nose. He stood with one fist on his hip, while the other held what appeared to be a long French fry.  
  
Hermione gawked at him. "Who are YOU?"  
  
The boy rolled his eyes at her. "I'm Larry Water, of course. Don't you ever look at the covers of my books? Duh." Larry sat down on Hermione's bed, kicking the dinosaur that now lay unconscious at his feet. "Stupid network gimmick. It terrorizes children and adults all over the world. It was nice to be able to finally give it a good kick in the ass." Larry turned toward Hermione, who's mouth was still hanging open. "Well, are you going to speak, or are you just going to sit there all day, staring at my handsome face?"  
  
Hermione stuttered. "I-I don't understand. What are you doing here? What's going on? Why did you save me?"  
  
Larry picked some fuzz off his brilliantly white Gap shirt. "I saved you because that's what I do. I'm the wonderful, perfect, slightly sad because my godfather died in battle with Lord Callmedork when he got a fry shoved up his nostril, never geeky, undeniably sexy, always the bell of the mall, Larry Water." He looked up at her and grinned. "The boy who sinned." Larry scooted closer to her, staring deep into her eyes. "I'm here because I have a message for you. I get tired of Don and Slimy denying their feelings for one another. They bicker, bicker, bicker all day long, and then stare at each other in rapture, wishing they could be together. Now, K. J. Lowring isn't letting them get together yet, and they may never be together because K. J. is a tease, but you and Ron have a chance. Don't blow this, Hermione. You love each other, and that is all that matters. Not some silly bet, not the things he did wrong, your LOVE for each other. Forgive him, Hermione."  
  
Hermione glared at him. "Your godfather dies in battle getting a fry shoved up his nose? Thanks a lot! I wasn't finished yet!"  
  
Larry scoffed. "Well, too damn bad! Don't mess with me! I'm still sad! Look! Sadness!" Larry pouted, sniffling slightly. "Anyway, forget about the book, and forget about Don and Slimy. Think about Ron, and your futures. Don't mess it all up with your anger. Anyway, I have to go." Larry looked at his Old Navy watch, noting the time. He patted Hermione on the head, then stood up, smiling at her in the sort of way Lockhart used to. "Be sure to read the very last page of the book. I think it will interest you. See you in the pages!" With that, Larry Water and the giant purple dinosaur disappeared from sight, waking Hermione from her frightful slumber.  
  
~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~  
  
Hermione sat up, struggling for air. That was the worst dream she had ever had. She reached under her pillow, relieved when she pulled out a wand, and not a banana. She sighed deeply, happy that the dream was over, and she was safe. She thought a moment before muttering, "So THAT'S what Ginny meant about quidditch practice..."  
  
Her Larry Water book was lying on her bedside table, the cover nearly shining in the moonlight. Hermione estimated that it was about eight in the evening. She lit a candle, dragging the book over to her bed, her hands caressing the cover. It was then that she remembered what Larry had said. Was she really making a mess of her and Ron's future? She turned to the last page of the book, surprised to find a letter written in an untidy scrawl. From the look of the ink, it had been written recently. Had Larry left her another message? She eagerly began to read.  
  
Hermione,  
  
I'm not perfect.  
  
I'm not anywhere close.  
  
But I'm real,   
  
and I don't mean to boast,  
  
but I'm made for you,  
  
and you alone.  
  
I'll admit it.  
  
I do make mistakes,  
  
and I'm sorry.  
  
I'll do whatever it takes  
  
to prove I'm made for you,  
  
and you alone.  
  
You're the only one I need in this world.  
  
I can't imagine my life without you, girl.  
  
I love you.  
  
I love you.  
  
Please say that you are made for me too.  
  
I don't know what else to say, Hermione. I don't know what to do to make you forgive me, or to give me another chance, which is what I want more than anything. I'm clinging desperately to you, 'Mione. I'm yours. Please take me. I can't sit around and wait forever, baby. Here's my body, my heart, my soul, my mind, my voice, my feelings, anything you want. Just tell me what you desire. I'll give it all to you. I love you more than anything else in the entire world, and I will do anything for you. Just please, give me another chance. Stop this pain, end this game. Please don't make me beg. I love you, 'Mione.   
  
Always in pursuit of Miss Granger,  
  
Ron  
  
Hermione sat the book down, staring at the words. She was being stupid. She was letting his angry words get in the way of their happiness. How hard was letting go? Ron had said things before, things that were more horrible than what he said in her room yesterday. She was acting the part of the fool. She closed the book, staring out the window. She could hear people down in the common room, happily making jokes and having fun. Why wasn't she with them? Because she was letting a stupid fight bother her so much, it was all she could think about. She could end it all quick by just going to Ron and apologizing for being an idiot. She nodded her head, having made her decision, laid her book back on the bedside table, blew out the candle and started for the door. There was a loud bang behind her, then the sound of someone grunting. Hermione whirled around quickly, looking for who it was, but there was no one in her room but her.  
  
There was another groan. It was coming from outside her window! Hermione grabbed her wand from her bed, ready to hex whoever it was into eternity. A hand opened her window, and was soon followed by an arm, which grabbed onto the wall for support as it pulled a man's body inside. It was too dark to tell who it was. She prayed it wasn't Viktor, coming to sweep her away on his tiny, much smaller than Rons, no account broomstick. She shivered in disgust. The man's feet hit the floor and he rose to his full height, which was much taller than Hermione. She raised her wand in the air, crying, "Petrificus Total-"  
  
"'Mione, STOP!" The man held a hand out to stall her actions.   
  
She squinted, then hissed, "RON?" She bent and lit the taper once more, standing up to see he had moved toward her, his red hair shining in the firelight. "Ron, what in bloody hell do you think you are doing!?" She watched the corners of his mouth turn up.  
  
"You cursed."  
  
"Oh, shut up. Answer me."  
  
Ron frowned, then scratched his head. "I was at your door a bit ago, about to knock, when I heard you screaming. You were screaming something about a dinosaur, and Viktor Krum, and you locked the door, so I figured I'd just fly my way up here to your window. However..." He held up a broomstick, which was now broken in two, "I kinda ran into the building in my rush. I fell off and had to grab your windowsill. I was lucky."  
  
Hermione shook her head at him. "Ron, you could have got yourself killed."  
  
He just shrugged, his face turning serious. "Are you OK? Why were you screaming? What happened?"  
  
Hermione put a hand over his mouth. "I had a nightmare. Professor McGonagall was watching me have sex with Viktor, and she gave me points...he turned into a dinosaur...Larry Water saved me...it was mad." She threw her hands up, exhausted from reliving the strange dream in her mind. "It was nothing."  
  
Ron just stared for a moment, an bemused expression on his face. "Oh." She looked directly into his eyes and watched as they narrowed, a look of anger darkening his features. "I'm glad because I have something to say." He grabbed her, pulling her against him with all his might, his eyes staring angrily into hers. "Listen to me, Hermione Granger. I am tired of waiting. I have offered you everything! I have made a fool out of myself, given up my sex god reputation, lost friendships for you, and what have you given me? Nothing but grief! You WILL forgive me, Hermione! I will see to that! And further more-"  
  
"Ron, I forgive you."  
  
"-you will love me for the rest of your life! I am NOT going to give up, and if you think for one-"  
  
"I AM going to love you for the rest of my life."  
  
"-second that you can just up and forget about me, or fall in love with some other man, well, you've got-"  
  
"I will never love anyone else. I was made for you."  
  
"-another thing coming missy! I don't give up my love easily, and when I gave it to you, I was really going out on a limb, rejection be damned, and...excuse me? What did you say?"  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes, ticking off her fingers as she repeated herself, "Which part? The 'I forgive you,' the 'I'm going to love you the rest of my life,' or the 'I was made for you?' Which would you like me to repeat?"  
  
Ron grinned. "The part where you said my name."  
  
She smiled widely, her arms reaching up around his neck. "Ron."  
  
He closed his eyes and moaned. "Say it again, baby."  
  
"Ron..." She whispered, placing her lips on his. Ron wrapped his arms happily around her waist, lifting her off the ground and placing her on the bed. She had never felt as happy as she had at that moment. Ron broke the kiss, lifting his head to look at her. He smoothed the hair away from her face. "You are so damn beautiful."  
  
Hermione grinned at him, playing with the top button on his shirt. "Ron...where did you find that song you sang to me at dinner?"  
  
He blushed and buried his face in her hair, laughing. "Dean Thomas had it. He has a bunch of muggle CDs that I borrowed to listen to in my CD player. That song just kinda seemed perfect."  
  
She nodded. "And the poem you wrote in the letter?"  
  
He was silent for a moment. "I wrote that."  
  
Hermione laughed, causing him to lift his face from her hair to glare at her. She ran her fingers over his hair. "There's no need to be embarrassed about it, Ron. It was beautiful. I loved it." He grinned at her, happy for her praise.   
  
As he kissed her forehead, he mumbled, "Dean gave me this really bad poem he wrote to give to you. It was so stupid. I can't believe he wrote that piece of crap."  
  
She gave him an impish smile. "And...do you still have it?"  
  
He looked surprised. "Yeah...why?"  
  
Hermione broke out in a wide grin. "Oh, nothing. Just a little revenge. Let's go get it later." She moaned as Ron's hands ran over her body. "Much later."  
  
~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~  
  
How would I compare you to a summer's night?  
  
Your boobs are like flowers, white with little pink thingies in the middle  
  
Your hair, like fresh mud, brown and waiting to play in  
  
Your eyes dance like beetles before a porch light  
  
Your boobs are as round as footballs, ready to be bounced  
  
Your ears are like worms crawled together for warmth  
  
You smell like fresh butterbeer, straight out of the bottle  
  
Your deodorant smells like the warm cookies my mother makes  
  
Your eyelashes look like spider legs, scurrying across a lawn  
  
before someone steps on it, sending it where it belongs  
  
Your legs are like two long sticks  
  
Your boobs are as white as freshly fallen rain  
  
You are most like a summer's night, indeed! I love you!  
  
- Dean Thomas  
  
Hermione stared at the poem, which was hanging on the bulletin board in the common room. It was the most horrible thing she had ever read. Even Ron's first attempt at poetry was better than Dean's manifesto! Ron was laughing heartily as he stood behind her, his arms circling her waist. She frowned, her eyes squinting. "He mentions my boobs three times."  
  
Ron's laughter stopped abruptly. "I'll KILL the bastard."  
  
Hermione laughed at Ron, her hand caressing his face. "No need. Once everyone reads this poem, we both with have revenge, my sweet."  
  
Ron looked down on her upturned face, his expression full of confusion. "You never did tell me what he did."  
  
She scowled. "He ruined 'Larry Water and the Order of Phoenix Fries' for me. He told me who dies."  
  
"Ah. I see." Ron nodded his head in understanding.  
  
Hermione smiled at him, pulling his head down to hers before whispering, "But I think you made it better." He blushed bright red, his eyes rolling up to look at the ceiling. She glanced once more at the offending poem before turning away from the board. "Come on Ron," she said as she led him away, "let's go get some more quidditch practice in before Dean finds this poem and kills us. And I get to be seeker this time." She lead the way up the stairs, her hips swaying seductively, arousing Ron. He frowned.  
  
"All right Hermione, but if McGonagall comes to watch, I'm not staying."  
  
Hermione laughed happily. She had her man, her book, her future. Who could ask for anything more? Ron ran ahead of her, eager to get to the practice. She followed him up the stairs, noting that the roles had somehow changed. It was ironic indeed, for now it seemed she was pursuing Mr. Weasley. As she closed the door on the world outside, Hermione knew that life just couldn't get any better than this. 


	11. Epilogue

Disclaimer: The great J. K. Rowling owns all...I own nothing. :) I get no money from this...just fun! The song "Like a Virgin" is by Madonna, and "I touch myself" is by the Divinyls.  
  
AN: Bwa ha ha! SURELY you didn't think that it would end THERE?! OK, so did I. But then came the epilogue. I wasn't drunk when I wrote this. REALLY! (I no drink. Drinking BAD!) I just wanted to emphasis the happy ending a bit more...plus I had some ideas that needed to be put in, but tha story was finished! This is just as stupid as the rest of the story, and please don't take offense to what it's about. And for GOODNESS SAKES BRITTNEY, I HOPE THIS PLEASES YOU!! LoL And OMB, I can't believe FlorenceWeasleySnape reviewed this story and liked it. I was so proud. And Vivian Kane, love that story! I live in Canton. And to all my OTHER reviewers, I love you! Oodee, you rock! Araanaz, I'm glad you feel better! And I forgot, but last chapter, when Dean ruined the end of the book her Hermione? That is dedicated to Mr. Christopher Clark, and Mr. Christopher Morris, who tried to CALL me and ALL they were going to say was the name of the person who died when I picked up, RUINING IT FOR ME!! I was three chapters away, but thankfully, I was out at karaoke. *grin*HA HA! Anyway, I know I'm gonna get my ass kicked for this epilogue, but hey -- who cares? LOL BYE!  
  
EPILOGUE  
  
~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~  
  
Hermione closed the book she was holding in her hands, breathing deeply. She was finally finished with Larry Water and the Purple Dinosaur, the sixth book in the series. It had been wonderful, bursting to the seams with adventure, thrilling fights, and romance. It was worth every galleon she had paid at Flourish and Blotts. As she gazed at the back cover, she couldn't help but feel content. Life was so good to her! She had a wonderful husband, a beautiful home, a large family, and the best friends anyone could ask for. In the three years since she had graduated from Hogwarts, she had never had one regret. Her marriage to Ron two months past had been the icing on the proverbial cake, making life blessedly sweet, but never boring.  
  
"Ron, when are you coming to bed?" She called out, wondering why her new husband was taking so long in the bathroom.   
  
"Sheesh, hold on a moment, 'Mione! Give a guy a chance to brush his bloody teeth! So impatient. Never met a wench who wanted me in bed more."  
  
"Thank the Lord for that, Ronald Weasley. I'd have to skewer her on a stick for even thinking of my husband that way." She sat the book on her bedside table, tightening her robe belt a tiny bit more. She pulled aside the blanket, stepping out of their large bed onto the cold, wood floor. As she padded her way to the bathroom, leaning her ear against the door, she realized he was humming very softly.  
  
She opened the door a little ways, sneaking a peak at Ron. He stood in front of the mirror wearing nothing but boxers, dancing around, his toothbrush being used as a microphone. She watched as he grabbed a pink towel, throwing it on his head like a veil. As he danced around with his eyes closed, he started singing in a high falsetto, "I made it through the wilderness. Somehow I made it through. Didn't know how lost I was until I found you! I was beat. Incomplete! I'd been had! I was sad and blue, but you made me feel...yes, you ma-a-a-ade me feel shiny and new! Like a virgin touched for the very first time! Like a vi-i-i-irgin! When your hearts beat next to mine!"  
  
What Ron didn't realize while he was dancing to his little hearts content was that Hermione had snuck in the bathroom. She carefully closed the door, moving so that she was right in front of him, sitting on the sink. She grinned playfully as he continued to dance, waving his hands over his head with his eyes closed. He was obviously enjoying the music in his mind. She pulled the pink towel off his head, causing his eyes to fly open, his face flushing a lovely shade of red. Hermione giggled before belting, "Gonna give you all my love boy! My fear is fading fast. Been saving it all for you, only love can last!  
  
She pulled him between her legs, wrapping them around his waist before continuing, "You're so fine! And you're MINE! Make me strong, yes, you make me bold! And your loved thawed out, yes, your lo-o-o-ove thawed out what was scared and cold!" She pecked him on his lips before jumping down, pressing herself against him, swaying her hips to the music. Ron grinned, singing along with her, "Like a virgin, HEY! Touched for the very first time! Like a vi-i-i-irgin! When your hearts beat next to mine!" Ron pressed her up against the sink, grinding his hips against hers. He lowered his lips until they almost touched hers, desire flashing in his eyes. "See what you do to me, 'Mione? It's not fair to get me all hot and bothered like this. What have you got to say for yourself?"  
  
She bit her lip, pondering his predicament for a moment before looking him in the eye and singing, "I love myself, I want you to love me. When I feel down, I want YOU above me. I search myself, I want you to find me. I forget myself, I want you to remind me!" She pushed at his chest, once again sitting herself on the sink, making him watch what she was doing. She opened her legs, the robe covering what he wanted to see most and started running her hands up and down her legs. She continued singing, "I don't want anybody else. When I think about you, I touch myself! Ohhh, I don't want anybody else, oh no, oh no, oh no!"   
  
Ron's breathing was erratic. As he started forward, aching to touch her, Hermione held out her hand, stopping him. She shook her head slowly, making him curse her power over him. His eyes bulged as she untied the robe belt, slowly opening it up so that he could see she was wearing nothing but a lacey black bra and matching pair of panties. She tossed the robe to the floor along with the towel, her eyes meeting his. She ran her fingers over her breasts, smoothing them over her tummy. She sang softly as her hand continued moving south. "I want you. I don't want nobody else..." Her hand reached the top of her skimpy panties, making Ron pant for air. He stared at her hand, his tongue hanging out, his erection throbbing with need. Her fingers moved a little lower. "And when I think about you..." Ron's body was shaking as she moved her hand to touch his favorite part of her body, caressing herself through her panties. "I touch myself. Mmm..." She threw her head back as she closed her eyes, her fingers rubbing harder, "mmm...MMM...OH!"  
  
Hermione found herself thrown over Ron's shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He ran toward the bed, tossing her on it. Hermione watched as he fumbled with his boxers, finally ripping them apart in frustration. "Ron!" she cried, "those were your favourite pair!"  
  
He growled like an animal, throwing himself on top of her. "I'll buy new ones!" He ravished her mouth like man starved, his hands urgently roving all over her body. He had his hands buried in her hair, his tongue lavishing her neck, when the phone rang. They groaned, not at all happy with this new disturbance in their love making. Hermione wondered what had possessed her to ever get a phone, but then remembered that her parents called nearly everyday. They let it ring, hoping whoever it was would soon give up, realizing that they were busy at the moment. Five minutes later, the phone was still ringing. "DAMMIT!" Ron rolled over off her, his hands pounding the bed, "ANSWER THE DAMN TALEYCONE!"  
  
Hermione tried to steady her breathing, reaching for the phone. "It's 'telephone', dear." She picked up, ready to hex whoever it was into a giant blue candy cane. "Hello?"  
  
The person on the other end started to sing, "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family! With a great big hug and kiss from me to you! Won't you say you love me too?"  
  
Her face had gone completely pale, her eyes wide. "WHO IS THIS!?"  
  
"Let me share your toy, Hermione! Caring is sharing!"  
  
Hermione stared at the phone for a few seconds more before looking at Ron and screaming.  
  
~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~  
  
Harry Potter hung up the phone at his apartment. He smiled to himself before looking back at Ginny, who was sitting on her knees on the bed. She smirked at him, her head tilted. "What did she say?"  
  
He grinned, fingering a lock of her hair. "She just screamed. I don't think she'll be forgetting that dream for a while."  
  
Ginny smacked his hand away playfully, pulling him down so that he was laying on his back. "Good. I think we should remind her every now and then just how precious Ron is, and how lucky she is not to be with Viktor Krum. It was genius, slipping that dream potion into her drink while Ron was dancing on the table. After that nightmare, she forgave him instantly. How in the world did you come up with that dream anyhow?"  
  
Harry shrugged. "Just asked myself, 'if I were Hermione, what would I be scared of?' The answer, of course, would be Professor McGonagall having sex with Professor Snape, Viktor Krum trying to control her, Barney, and bananas."  
  
Ginny looked at him thoughtfully, then raised one eyebrow. "Actually, I think the only thing she would be scared of in that is Viktor Krum trying to control her. I do believe that YOU are the one scared of the rest of those things."  
  
His eyes grew large as he looked her her. "Uh...no speak English?"  
  
Ginny wrapped her arms around him, her laughter filling the air. She calmed herself down before pulling back to look at him, her eyes narrowed. "You never told me you were afraid of bananas."  
  
"That's only because you used one on me one time."  
  
"Oh..." Ginny thought for a moment before smiling sheepishly. "I forgot."  
  
"Yes...well...who should we prank now?"  
  
She stared at Harry, an impish grin growing on her face. "Let's call Draco! Let's tell him that they've started a branch of 'Gays for Voldemort' in Surrey, and we want him to join! Instead of a DEATH Eater, he can be a - "  
  
"NO, MENTAL IMAGE BAD. STOP. I GET IT." Harry once again picked up the phone, dialing the number for the Malfoy residence, which now included Draco's Life Partner, Seamus Finnigan. He cleared his throat as it rang, looking at Ginny. He smiled. "Have I told you today how much I love you?"  
  
She blushed, looking down at her hands. "Nearly every hour."  
  
"Well, it's true. I love you more than anyone else in the world."  
  
As Harry pushed her hair back from her face, he couldn't help but think once more that he was the luckiest man in the world. Bananas and all, she was the only girl for him.   
  
And they all lived happily ever after.  
  
With no bananas.   
  
And no Viktor.   
  
And no war in the Middle East.  
  
And no forsnicketing, dumbass, pain in my be-hind BARNEY, who needs to be killed slowly and painfully with a dull knife, or a crayon, or something...pointy.  
  
And no Harry/Hermione people, who have many issues with reality, which is really what this story is about.   
  
Really.   
  
  
  
~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~`*`~~  
  
AN: Annnnnnnnnnnnnd there it is. Every H/Hr peep is gonna try to hex me, but it won't work. I've got protection. *grin* TOO BAD! Hope you liked it. Pointless, irrelevant, silly. Some of the best things to be. :oD  
  
R/HR FOREVER!!!!   
  
- Stephanie Eversole, member of S.P.A.D. 


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